I'm just kind of bogged down with all the problems surrounding functioning due to trauma. I'm not sure how to proceed. I have a lot of organizing to do in storage and I know I'll find a lot of wet books that I didn't save when I was moving with the truck driver and Patrice. I hope I find my photographs the atlas my piggy bank crystal vase all my rulers and my 101 unrealized inventions notebook there are many other things missing and it breaks my heart to see that they stole my grandmother's pins directly from my jewelry box. I thought there was some black f*** pretending he was my relative who thought Mama Ning and Mama Nena were lola Leony and that's why they stole the pins but there I am giving credit too much credit to some f*** who violated me. I didn't get much from my grandmother's and what little I did get I lost foolishly as a child or now as an adult mercilessly ripped away from me. I have one photograph of Lola and it's from a family vacation we're all sitting there and I'm standing behind her. Of course she was the person I was to stand beside because she was the eldest and I wanted to be in the photo with my grandmother. It's the only picture I have of me and my grandmother. I'm not sure I have a photo of me and Mama Nana or me and Mama Ning. Those pins were the only things I had of them so I find it very calculated that those were the two pins stolen from the jewelry box. Another thing I noticed is that all of the pins and pendants and rings that pork chop David paid me with or gave to me as payment or all stolen as well. Then to note my laptop the fourth one, the one I bought after Daryl stole my HP touch screen, was broken in the cord the charger cord was also cut. Those black men were violent manipulative glib pompous and sickening. Combined with that Chinese Kun, the Latina Doris and the later basement dwellers they had themselves the most deplorable despicable and unworthy gang. I might never get an explanation in one paragraph from someone in a position of authority nor will I get an apology from my aggressors but I know only too well that they were dead wrong. Not only did it appear that they were given the wrong information about me but it also was apparent but they lack common sense have no morals and are easily swayed by someone who seems authoritative. It would be too easy to make them swallow anything else. If they destroyed an innocent womans life through small acts of manipulated psychological attacks against her human right to dignity and equality, then took months of slowly gathering the nerve to enter her room while she slept, then to lock me out while i was picking up my books (a small library really) that they threw across the front sidewalk with marbles and never let her in again, spewing black lives matter and that hate had no home in the house i was living in, wouldnt it make sense that these men are neo nazis, the alt right, an extremist group pandering, racketeering, and propagandizing, that dumber less worthy people have every right to destroy something of value in order to replace it with themselves? According to these two black men Black Live Matter more than mine. And I cannot agree whatsoever. The amount of humiliating lines these idiots spewed to me was astounding. Who in the world did they think i was, and why would they do that to a small woman who lived in the house you moved into? I cannot be bothered by their " woops wrong person" because i believe they thought they were "playing the role of my family members who were chased out as landlords and tenants by so called white people" i also believe that these men are mildly retarded and / or running from the law record elsewhere and are using false identities. The problem with these idiot black men is that they failed to understand my comprehension regarding these nebulous shadows that are easily misinterpreted by nature of context. For example when the Bautistas moved out of Marikina to the new house in Marikina it looked exactly the same to me even though it wasnt. But it does look like the park house i camped at the back of on davenport, and beside it is even a small games and toy shop, just like the one Jerome put up in Marikina. Very confusing considering that area of little portugal says its San Juan Bautista. So when I saw the gates to the old Santa Mesa orphanage as the gates to trinity bellwoods by gore vale, I was in for a spin.
But spun I was not. The two black men in the house insisting they were right, that red haired adam as well, terrorizing me, talking down to me hiding the painting, destroying my antique fine red glass glasses, everything they did, i already knew because it had already happened to a much lesser degree and naturally, but they way these men were doing it, it was obvious that someone put them up to it. I understand it as some whips forcing me to write another landlord tenant board claim after the one at 626 manning failed because of that morning at sistering day of the hearing one of the staff kicked me out with my huge bag of laundry and white decorative ladder. Instead of using the crisis room with the support staff, i got kicked out morning of my hearing, ..... I cannot comprehend the violence. When i write down these acts in chronological order its impossible for me to understand the level of stupidity and idiocy at play here, and theyre all above me, since im so unqualified and lack experience, these people all above me have systematically murdered me, by choice. I fit the criteria for their drop in, i even lived on the same street, but what sistering did is much like what everyone else did to me through out these years since i was evicted at 626 manning because they were renovating but no relatives moved in.
I cant write anymore. Im tired of explaining the literal occurances. its unbelievably STUPID foolish VIOLENT. its incredibly depressing and sad that this is canada now. This never happened to me before. I was never only disrespected, i was never stigmatized by so many people all at the same time. Im not smelly or sick anymore, im not rude or obnoxious (mostly) i use manners and have respect for others, but to watch people as they judge me upon initial meeting, the first 5 seconds after i speak, watching peoples faces make a quick assesment and glance at my clothing, is embarassing. First of all almost all of these people are immigrants freshly landed and on their first jobs, secondly they are mostly younger than me but likely cant tell, and third they all take advantage of my manners and cannot even tell im being polite and using a well beaten path of etiquette. These factors to me indicate it is wholly unsafe for me to go outside and relate. If i go outside i should wear sunglasses and a mask to hide my beautiful confidence because the new people who have taken over are of the black lives mattering crowd of illiterate idiots who believe their lives are the first lives on earth. It feels like to the new crowd after covid, anyone with a dilletant look and an air of confidence and ease at being served must be destroyed by any means. The amount of disrespect and disgust i have had to endure just ordering a coffee or asking whee the washroom is has literally made me frantically race to regain my philippine nationality and to be honest i did consider possibly moving to another country again. The human rights that were shown to me by canadians while i grew in canada made me love the country and canadians. Then forced homelessness and that sickening too loud and too long laughter by steve who evicted me disgracefully right before covid, then covid.... It was a cover up to kill canada as we all knew it. What emerged? What happened to me. Thats what happened to canada as i know it. If im canadian, and this is what was done to me, forget about it. Just another bad move on my part. When i was a child i didnt know i would be so troubled and wrecked. As an adult i moved to canada and built up my life and how my brain processed other peoples actions. All was well and good. I enjoyed my life and everyone in it but i was still sick and got too sick for anyone to comprehend dignity. If all i needed was one person to tell me my symptoms which were glaring to everyone else, i wouldve gone to the hospital or seen a specialist. But no one told me a thing, everyone talked about me behind my back, everyone made fun of me and spread rumors about me, my entire life was then beyond my control again, and I was back to being a small child hiding because i didnt want to get beaten again without understanding what i did wrong. So when these two black men raised the ante of the fake tenants, and started disrespecting me in a manner i thought was overboard and could likely end in my murder, i well understood that someone was talking behind my back making fun of me, spreading lies about me. It sickens me to this day, the amount of fake and hate i have to face. It makes me sick knowing i wont ever get better now. I was almost better. But i had a bad ending of whatever that was with simon, then i met alvaro and i never got better. Alvaro brought back the physical violence memories and trauma and i have never been able to get enough rest with good people around me ever again. I wont recover anymore ive been violated by some gross pervert who is nom stop harassing me via third fouth or second party. They read all about me and hunt for me everyday. Its unsafe for people to use the internet. Its unsafe to share your knowledge. Its unsafe for women everywhere, and its unsafe to rent from anyone private. Very unsafe. Its unsafe to live with black men, chinese landlords, and latina women, its unsafe to live with nerdy awkward men. Its unsafe to write anything online for public consumption, its unsafe to speak to pwople you do not know. Its totally unsafe for civilization to allow valueable people to fall into the wayside, but weve seen them all slowly get murdered these past few years. The third culture kids, generation x, androgynous women and men, artists, musicians, were all almost totally gone. Slowly replaced by black lives who think they matter more, slowly taken down to hell by foreign judgements on a culture they moved in to. Its sickening me and i didnt want it to happen but it did and no one apologized and no one cares anymore.
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