i have sewn the shape again!

its ...ok.

needs more attentiveness and work!

i posted a video of the shape on my twitter.... i honestly dont even know why i am still using social media like a child. my faith in internet privacy and communication security has been shattered.

i cannot bring myself to be as blind as i was, putting my trust and faith in people and institutions that do not give an absolute damn about me.

its pretty tragic. real life isnt that fun with zero trust.

going back to my roots, writing letters, calling people on the phone, visiting friends "because you were in the neighbourhood and thought to stop by" sad part is those days are long gone.

i dont even have a dictionary at home, i use the computer and phone for everything. i just dont have any tactile "factual" information on hand anymore. no reference books, no science books, nothing really but fiction. an education is an expensive thing.

im not sure if its my lost faith in our institutions or if its because i stopped using the internet obsessively, either way i lost my connection to how the modern world turns. i logged off and logged out and tuned out. now i cant get back to that level of belief anymore. its taking too long to get back to where i was, that point of pure trust in the freedom of expression and belief in the people around us.

disenchanted is the word i was looking for.

you put your whole life online and get nothing for it.

you put all your work online to show off to yourself how you can make your own image and read back and between your old diary posts and wonder, how am i still alive? its magic!

my first math puzzle drawing on felt

so i lost my mind but its getting back into shape

i came up with this weird totally sci fi theory
it goes like this
so the magnetic polar shifts have something to do with the earths shape being oval as opposed to round. the dates coincide with the internet and i was thinking about how the internet made the telephone, radio, and print media go down, meanwhile it also caused a delay in time zones, im not sure where this idea came from but there you go, how the ionosphere is reducing alongside the polar shift, how time was lagging, did anyone else notice that, that everyone was off a few minutes, i tried to sync my clocks and they synched a few times and i figured they will always synch sometimes and come away from synching, so i was thinking the earths orbit around the sun and how time is measured by the suns rotation, or rather our rotation around the sun and how we measure that via the suns movement but i thought we were measuring the solar atmosphere and tilt, for time zones, and so the internet cables underground, the massive surges of electricity underground, using satellites in space, the reduction of radio waves above ground, how there was a massive block in east west communications in 2008, the recession, also surprisingly the polar shifts around the same time, and then i read the polar shifts are happening quicker now because they stopped speeding up for 150 years, http://modernsurvivalblog.com/pole-shift-2/alarming-noaa-data-rapid-pole-shift/
when i read that the last polar shift was 1860, i somehow thought of my math puzzle crafts project the femaursoulea and the pattern making, how you can get a 60 degree angle by folding a circle paper into half then into three, which make up two of the four points which are then doubled in alternating order. and playing with my paper model i came up with some drawings and this fun fan fiction of the lost scripture, the missing link, an apocalyptic future (very bleak). The shape and drawings made me realize you can make a perfect circle with this single line, its the chicken or egg but ball or stick, circle or line. which came first?
the pole shift coinciding with the collapse of the economy signals some kind of earth shape change and i was thinking how the last time the poles shifted the equator was top and the poles were equator (did i get that right) and i was looking at the globe and thought hey most of the water is on the bottom half of the world and what if when the poles shift, new antipodes occur and a manila toronto antipode becomes a center which causes the sunken cities of the pacific to rise and even out with the other side of the world which is all land mass and the world goes round again. its a really slow process according to that modern survival blog and nasa, hundreds of years, like by the time all those underwater cities are unearthed naturally, well i think we totally are speeding it up, this is the polar ice caps melting but some other area gets frozen snapping back the water.
its such an insane story
and there are so many details left out
but isnt it something to think about
how we must adhere to our roots in order to properly maintain the future
recycling for example, the loss of educated peoples using various languages is in decline, maths, sciences, and reproductive education worldwide, in areas that i imagined are to be affected, are in decline, its a terrifying reality thinking that there will be a worldwide catastrophe but according to our history, our media dreams are telling me that there must have been some kind of wormhole loop or some kind of time travel that happened, now wouldnt that be cool, what if the underground internet, the underground banks of seeds and data, are what time capsules are and thats what reactivates the planet at a very future age, and the time hole caused the internet to reveal itself into the future! homagawd
sometimes we think we are playing games, seeing ghosts, but what if what we are doing is going through interdimentional alternate realities and how sometimes we have problems with technology and sleep cycles waking up groggy, not remembering what we were doing, is like dejavu because in an alternate reality with no time the future is exactly like the past and present, what if sometimes were playing a game but its actually real in the future? what if all the people playing war games now are playing real war games in the future, killing millions of people? what if sci fi games now are real in the future, and film and movies are how the future educates the blind masses. did anyone notice how the internet is totally false now, it is difficult to discern the truth, social media has removed real life connections and increased bullying causing massive strain on brainwaves of educated people across the globe, in effect the internet is making us dumber the longer we stay on it, we lose our sense of time and groundedness to our reality of being an animal living on planet earth for all time.
its a very long and difficult thing to map out. meanwhile has anyone noticed the super mario like pipes across leslieville and the downtown east side? i think there is one on spadina, anyway i thought they were magic portals around the city that if you get the timing right you pass one and come out another end of the neighbourhood! but i heard they are air vents for the drainage to the lake, to keep the water moving when they get flooded.
i prefer the magic portal east side mario style. my friend asked me if the super mario tubes were east side mario but i looked it up and couldnt find anything online.
ok this is my story do not pass it on without my consent lol
piece something together yourself and i would love to hear about the details

here are some links that i found to touch on the subject

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disdyakis_triacontahedron (the shape in round form)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrakis_hexahedron (the shape in cube/square form)
remember how i couldnt find the shape, i found it but lost it again, but also i wanted to call it femaursoulea lol the house of the human soul
omg! im looking for articles to read so i can turn off my data tethering, and found this

so these are articles to read ey? ! to be completely honest i havent read all the links to full. there are some super technical links there for study, and a book with a forward by einstein. so yeah. my story is based on a fantasy based reality, its a fan fiction based on my identity crisis and menstrual cycle change and loss of sleep cycles, finding out how this happened to me, how this became some kind of obsession that i am recovering from.

im going to go chill now, and post the pics in the next post.

The House of the Femaursoulea

ah, my life, what a cluster, duck.

so meanwhile i have written a few poems and have done my best to manage my life
as well as i can with the brain i have. hmm not sure if done properly.


so i have been working on a project and i still havent really started.
i have made a diagram for a pattern because i wanted to redraw this interesting shape i saw in a geode shop along queen street.

so here is the diagram i drew on felt of all materials, honestly i was so excited to have figured out the pattern shape by looking at the pictures 

and managed to make my original drawing on felt. ugh. so then i drew it again, and didnt want to cut that one up either? lol so i drew it again and thats when i cut. or i drew it three times and cut the second one. either way i made a sewn toy out of this interesting math puzzle.

to make it again is what i am now after! the race to reactivate my etsy shop is on! drawing it in various shapes is a mystery. to capture the shape you need to have it askew but then it looks awkward and unbalanced, its a tricky shape to draw, its like drawing movement when you look for the perfect angle to start your drawing from.

here are some pictures, of the shape in the geode shop, of the diagram, the felt shape, the drawings, and the name. i couldnt find the shape initially, but found it a few days later called disdyakis tetrahydron but i called my shape poem discovery "femaursoulea “ the house of the human soul, the feminine incarnation of the male within, also it is a double helix type shape, it is the shape of houses, the shape of the hidden insides that form our structure composed of flesh and bone, round and straight. i discovered that this shape creates the perfect circle out of a straight line, that it has 24 facets but to make the shape there is a hidden shape inside made up of 6 facets, that makes it look like a donut, or a tube. its really amazing, i never really understood maths but while making this shape i was excited, and reminded of all the shapes and math, sewing with pattern making, hula hooping, swinging, all of my life i was able to understand and be mystified, terrified, shamed, and enlivened by recreating this shape in fabric! maybe it is the fabric of time! or that could be the name of one of the editions of my new pieces that i am working on.
in the next two weeks, i have given myself a deadline, lets hope i stick to it, because i havent yet gotten a clean enough place to work on my aromatherapy products, cept the lipbalms which i might make into hand balms or beard balms or whatever not mouth p
roducts cos i got scared. lol. too ocd.
nothing happened to me but moisturized lips with the lipbalms i made, but who knows. people complain about anything.

 im in the library now and forgot the pictures are on my phone.
here is a link to my terribly insane twitter account where i have posted a few pictures except the diagram for some reason i got all sci-fi horror story freaked out and scared and took the picture down. lol. i went a little mad the past few weeks were the most intense nothingness i had ever experienced.

also i went mad cos i realized i didnt include my mothers maiden name (Godinez) in my name when i moved to canada? its a wonder she hasnt flown over and strangled me herself. its caused me, unknowingly, a deep mental strain that i had not noticed or realized until all my i.d.s got lost and expired at the same time. what a nightmare.


donate to me

hey i have a paypal.me link

its https://paypal.me/aromatherapytoronto

also the reason im trying to do sewing and not leaving the house is cos i got zero money. as in zero. it sucks. i got three vintage 20 dollar bills and thats all i have but i dont want to use them.
heres what i look like these days. no make up and curly hair after my shower, cut my hair recently and its all asymmetrical short and long sides cos like, it sucks now and my cowlick at the middle bottom of my head is so whack these days i think my hairs falling out like i was a bald man. oh well. im all old now at 37 turning 38 in a couple and stuff so what ever. i still feel like not an adult though, im not sure if thats ok but i dont really know what to do about it.