wow i hate the new dashboard interface

hate it

meanwhile everythings going the same.getting victimized stolen from and mentally raped every night by ANYONE i know in the "community" of homeless people mostly drug addicts. go figure. im exhausted my money is finished i have lost so much time

i am literally getting mentally raped daily though


once the abusers find out what i want they will manipulate situations to make sure i am DENIED and REJECTED at every turn


not only have been emotionally humiliated by megalomanic owen for 11 months straight, everyone else decides to join in and take advantage, victimize, gossip and rumour monger, bad mouth, steal from, and lets not forget everyones favorite way to victimize me: prolonged mental rape follwed by DENIED REJECTED REFUSED

 i wish i could smoke a huuuuge bowl of fentanyl and just get it over with and finally die. after all when your entire immediate family has literally tried to physically murder you with extreme violence, and all your old friends and relatives your age only gossip and mock, then anyone you met recently does the same only worse because they are strangers, whats the point? i dont have a washroom to use. i have a urinary problem. not a single day went by did owen ever consider that he needed to help me and support me with getting a place. not constantly mentally rape me. im so tired i dont know what to do. lets just hope i find that fentanyl dealer soon.

well covids been a shit show for me, it feels like everyone is playing the game of humiliate the so called whore that everyone abused. it also feels like all the men and landlords who got away with abusing me and draining me of energy and money are now super stalkers following me around making sure i feel uncomfortable and gross. then i have the so called boyfriend who loves to make me feel humiliated as if he is playing his own game of lets see what i can get away with not doing for her while i take every single thing i can get while disrespecting her true intentions and wishes. theres also the drop in camp and retail/food service troupe that thinks I’m uber wealthy specially when boyfriend hollywood look alike with in tow, for sure they will make me pay. i think its the whole she must be a prostitute look i have going on wearing these ratty ass clothes cos i don’t have a place, i have a huge closet where nothing is organized or furnished to accommodate anything else but stigmatization. or maybe its how i walk trying not to pee my pants…it must be so very seductive to people who are meant to provide me with customer service, mostly idiots in the food industry or security guards or arrogant taxi drivers. i haven’t had a day where i don’t feel like I’m being mocked and made fun of and made TO PAY must be the black people ebonics troupe “finessing the thot” oh you know how those types think- trashy. I’m exhausted. homeless for over a year now, since april 2019, not a friend in sight, everyone wants to and loves to shit on me, steal money is the prime task according to my experience. then there is the poverty entrenched boyfriend, who never has money and when he does makes a point to get scammed out of it in front of me as i tell him please don’t get scammed stay away from these people, and there he goes and hands them hundreds of dollars, that should have been for us and our living, but no he doesn’t think nor is he actually supportive. he just wants sex like everyone else and like everyone who would claim i was a whore to abuse me, won’t pay for it. isn’t that the excuse though? she must be a whore so i can feel justified in abusing her. feels familiar and the literal only thing I’ve experienced since what, since i moved to toronto? the men that i met here were ew and what have they actually done for me? destroy me my reputation steal my identity ruin my chances spend my money steal from me make fun of me mock me belittle demean and disrespect me, i could go on, but then you’d have my life story.
ah covid. thank god its over. too bad stigmatization of the finest in society has only shown it is the lowliest and dumbest, most uncultured and uncivilized, that do the stigmatizing, and the entire human race is all the worse for it.
when can i die? when are these abusers going to finally kill me? or is too much fun for everyone to watch me slowly fade away and rot on the streets? must be.. its how my fam wanted to see me go. abused. isn’t that right? what else has been denied to me? access to a washroom, thatsright, apparently everyone wants to see me pee my pants, pee on my shoes, pee in the alley, pee in the park, like a dog right? I’m just a bitch, a dirty mutt, a what? oh thats right, I’m a whore a prostitute, thats right i forgot, unworthy of respect help or support. i totally forgot, thats what everyone wanted me to be for them so they could disrespect me to no end.
been camping in the parks actually, one park, bickford park, was the worst camping pubic humiliation covid shit i ever went through. not only were the fucks using my phone as some kind of remote communication device (iphone4) but i also saw from out of town my older brother, my ex husband, and this guy i knew eons ago, all of them refusing to acknowledge i was there? like they flew in from other countries to pretend i didnt exist. NICE. really friendly. that part i noticed was midy khalon from the mindy project with her little secretary ot whatever, literally saying / repeating what i was texting on my phone out loud while she was talking to the creepy bdsm plus children in tow group of men. not only that but the entire usually empty park was completely filled with people who were mocking me and repeating everything iwas saying out loud. then of course the boyfriend wanting to have sex in the middle of all of this, its literally the only thing he wants to do when i want to do anything else. its part of the lets humiliate this so called whore and force her to have sex everytime she wants to do anything else. wow almost 9 months with this guy and where am i living? he is supposed to be helping me find a place to live because all the landlords think im a whore who isnt allowed to live anywhere. so i get this guy to help me and this is how he does it. by insulting me. imagine me, i finally have a bunch of money, my award money from being abused, and instead of renting my own place, i fuck around with a retard that looks like my ex’s and watch him drain every last ounce of my energy and all my money. he literally does nothing. im so tired i honestly hope i die today. im exhausted. im sure i wont hear the last laugh at me till i fall asleep so the day is still long.
my secret spot i told the boyfriend and all the abusers started coming around. for example today the guy keith clarke i lived in his house a few years ago it cost me money to move and before the month was over on the 24th of december, the day before chistmas, he kicks me out because i did laundry during the daytime (then he took out the drain for the dryer so my clothes were wet and i had to leave) and he claims i wasnt nice to his air bnb guest who im pretty sure totally loved talking to me to my detriment. anyway that asshole, he was right outside the entrance to msecret spot that i brought owen to. its super gross. i wont even mention what colour these people are im just saying i think they are being racist and they are now going after me like some kind of crusade. im exhausted. did i tell you how tired i am? did i mention i have a biyfriend i wish i never had? im so tired. i had one guy borrow over a hundred dollars from me and literally say to my face im not paying you back, same time so called boyfriend takes 200 dollars from me, give me 50 back and refuses to pay me back the rest. then i have hundreds of dollars missing from my account, and all the addict homeless people after me like butter on toast cos i have money i SAVE AND DO NOT SPEND but they think they are justified in taking it from me by any means necessary. its incredible how lonele intelligent people are. and lonely is how they should stay. most everyone is a god damn low i/q/ dumb ass and the loneliness you will ever feel from being smarter than your peers is nothing compared to the abuse you will go through because you wanted a friend to hang out with but unfortunately your friend is embarrassed at lack of funds and jealous at your brilliance. so it turns into you getting insulted every chance they can get. its not fun and its not worth it. people are shit, they will shit on you, they will deny you, they will try to one up you, for no reason other than the fact that they think you are better off then them, even in mere demeanour or breezy attitude. you cant relax when everyone youre paying to serve you is a jealous psycho ready to hurt you anyway they can, nevermind people you actually know. i could write an entire encyclopedia on how much abuse i went through because i thought you were supposed t stay with “people you know” oh fuck. NO never do that. the people i know were the most abusive people i came across! so i dont know what to do anymore. i guess its stop hanging out with owen and stop going to the drop ins. for example now, i found a nice quiet nook in the library and now its filled with with people literally i can smell the disgusting perfume and they are sitting right beside me stealing my energy and privacy and they stole my spot because they didnt see it, they saw me, and saw how i was enjoying myself and they wanted some of it. THEY STEAL FROM ME BECAUSE THEY ARE BLIND AND STUPID . im EXHAUSTED

perfume ingredients for detergent soap

check this out
ever heard of client from hell a design team in toronto ? i bike by their office sometimes
 anyway i was just going on an algorhythm tip no doubt and found this
so im looking up aromatic chemicals and one of the ones presented to me, not something i searched literally was geranyl nitrile and i found on the good scents company the ifra is prohibiting this ingredient for perfume use but its being sold as a perfume ingredient. its been used on rats and rabbits when they force the animals large doses of this material until they die. so they know how toxic this ingredient is. yikes. this is the prohibiting body. so it looks like this patent for a plastic end piece for a tube packaged laundry detergent went through some revisions. perfume revisions. im not sure but have a look, its lol. client from hell you say? how bout perfume reformulations for plastic packaging specifications? axe body spray allergies causing anaphylactic shock and cant reveal formula you say?
 just for example. the material geranyl nitrile is a potential aquatic life disruptor according to the prohibiting body that tests on rats and rabbits (did they do a long term aquatic study ? i thought it sounds like its from geranium)  and according to this google patent is been used in laundry detergent since 1987...i think ... mass produced cos who has the money to patent the development of the plastic end tube packaging? wonder what laundry detergent this is? i will research the material now cos its kind of weird. im not sure what to use. obviously i wont use the rat and rabbit tested stuff if i find out. gee. let me check now. cant they test somehow in another way? i guess not. they do weird tests on humans enough as it is... oh so much to do!
the amount of scent you need to make something smell good when you whiff it from the bottle is how consumers buy things and that amount is HUGE and actually if you dilute it.... like hey ever buy a huge bottle of dish soap that your crazy bf uses up in two days ? but actually what you learned to do is dilute like a teaspoon in 2 cups of distilled water and use it for a week? i mean, wow lets just perfume the world via our kitchen and laundry sinks, only thing perfume making doesnt work that well this way. ive made so many weird combinations to know.

wow ok so this patent i found off the good scents database,,330,417.PN.&OS=PN/4,330,417&RS=PN/4,330,417 
is from 1928 the original laundry detergent and fabric softner, a fresh lemony aroma, apparently, or perfume. about .20% of the patent ingredient is used and the formula uses .10 in 1300 or something, geranyl nitrile has been used as a perfume ingredient for various household and personal products since 1928 and all the info theye could find was torturing rabbits and rats? consumer privacy and research and unknown cumulative toxicitiy there must be an easier way. i mistyped mist and imagine if the corona virus was actually some kind of mist or particle from some form of banned ingredient found out by the perfume industry. like some of these ingredients arent actually perfume ingredients, they just have a nice smell so the perfume industry has access to them. yikes. to know is half the battle but what if its just too long and what is a timeline anymore? maddening.

ok wtf
i just found this ban on the substance as a perfume ingredient for detergent
 from 2009

is this a nitrile form from geranium>????? i dont understand how this ingredient was made. why do they use geranyl as a name ? there are many geranyl ingredients that are natural isolates that are not toxic?
like as in cyanide? like nitriles are like glues, so if its a bastard of geranium that sticks around too long, it was part of a lemony aroma that lasted in laundry soap so its not necessarily lemony and if its for a freshness it sounds like geranium doesnt it. please dont make me be the one to look this shit up i just wanted to make perfume and actually yes i realize i cant sell any of the perfumes now without looking up the ingredients to some degree, specially not blends from other companies who cannot disclose their perfume ingredients? like really my day is spent stressing on where to throw the trash vs recylcing and knowing and not doing due to other things like doing this? wth?
or wth am i actually reading ugh
ok so its banned since 2009 for found toxicity to aquatic life found out from testing on animals
its been used as a laundry detergent perfume ingredient since 1980
its still being sold today
good thing i didnt buy it!! or did i??
is this ingredient used in any of the essential oil perfume blends i buy as perfume ingredients? if its a compound from a natural ingredient forced into a specific shape for its prolonged odor for rinse off products is this in the woolzies stuff that use for dryer balls ? is it considered a distillate? ugh im the rat now. honestly i feel tortured... avatars from basenotes haunt me like ebeneezer scroodge and the fairys and godmothers of tales you wished were true before you read other things not meant for children.... hand me that baby product............200 years later mutant humans with scratch and sniff areas of the body that detect diseases in their dna matches world wide but are only found under specific constraints and the battle for privacy reigns supreme!! natural deaths for the anarchists!! vegan terrorists corona virus rabbit testing isis flag plant double take in a british gay rally using shame to shun a female reporter what the actual fuuuck ?????? anyway just something to think about. i have to dig for that not actually an isis gay flag link now and link the shame post but holy hell man....

i mean wow this is just a few hours of chillin on my own using the internet and my mind, i wish i was housed like i have to go through the ads and bike around and im just so tired of traps and such. its hard gains when youre noticing specific perfume ingredients. i mean my mind is so blown and my shade spot is sunny so i have to go, before i you know, get cancer and mutate!!!!!ok i checked. its not getting cancer and mutating. its not carcinogenic to humans, its toxic to fresh water fish, like this delicious lookin bugger, lauscisus isus...say that again?

so its a no for laundry. lethal concentration for 50% of the animals, in this case this cute fresh water fish native to europe and asia waterways according to wikipedia, is LC50 - Leuciscus idus (Golden orfe) - > 22 - 44 mg/l - 96 h (msds found here so that means the fish die? in 1-96 hours of 22-44 mg in what? in the lake? you use .01% in the total fragrance concentration or less than that for the total but if its millions of people  (or even say 50,000 people using this laundry detergent for 40 years in one area) using it and all the washing machine run off goes through one area which seeps into the fresh water way a few kilometers over by underground passages and then these fish all die. wtf? cos this damn geranyl nitrile? damn! how did the fish die .... is the new why did the chicken cross the road?

omg i just should stop checking the new links as i go along

now i find ok supply chains. so this one supplier i find in the u.s. gets chems from india and china and this one indian patent is getting geranyl nitrile from essential oil  let me just keep reading this and ... does anyone want to get me lunch? i missed lunch again. ugh.
ok so it says here
"However isolation of citral from natural source such as essential oil of lemon grass may either be achieved by fractional distillation of the oil or by derivatisation such as bisulfite formation which is followed by liberation of citral by treatment with alkali solution. Lemon grass oil (Cymbopogon pendulus fam. Grahminae) contain almost 65-70% of citral which is a mixture of two stereoisomers, viz. citral a (65%) and citral b (35%) (Sharma, J.R., Lai, R.K. Mishra, H.O. and Naqvi, A., current science 197, 56, 30; and Patra, P and Dutta, P.K. Res. & Ind. 1986, 31, 358). "

so basically you can get geranyl nitrile from a natural source and it could be called a distillate of an essential oil of lemongrass, but this isolate is a known irritant to freshwater fish and soil pollutant which would seep into fish. its got a lemony fresh odor, its similar to lemonile in name/term (which i have but havent used cos its so strong and theres a note of metal in it that i find offensive to my nose even at the smallest concentration- i was nudged by pk paulkiler in basenotes to check it out at a low concentration, even in traces, so i havent tried it in formula in trace yet, but im smelling the dilution that i would use to be able to use it in trace and i already find it offensive like you somehow smell metal on your skin and you think of tetanus)

ok so now what? one ingredient ill remember not to try to use based on the ifra ban which ill trust because i havent found the fish study. and i need to go outside and ship some items. and eat something. maybe ill have some fish. i dont know anymore.....

Tori Amos - Crucify @ Montreux 1991

i swear to god there is a police officer in toronto 13 division that looks like tori amos from 1991.
so far ive gotten some stuff done and i feel better about maybe succeeding in my life. now i might be able to remake the gardenia perfume tonight. i originally thought #1 had no magnolia leaf but it turns out that #2 was just number 1 with different ratios. I originally made the perfume with really wonky ratios that made the perfume have this dirty aspect to it. As if it was a bouquet by the roadside. With the second version all I did was round off the numbers and boost some of the flowers like extra rose de mai, more ylang and more gardenia, and a little bit more jasmine. It worked very well, and my dilution ratio was lower so it was stronger. I also used less magnolan. I noticed the other day when I spilled the #2 and wore it, that two days later I could still smell the magnolan on my sweater when I rewore it. Not only does it last all day, it might last a lifetime, hence sensitivity. I was thinking of making two versions of the perfumes that are mostly botanical ingredients. For example this one has musk ketone and magnolan, which are not naturally derived so the natural version I conceive will have no synthetically derived ingredients, but that would not include naturally sourced isolates like geraniol or farnesol. I'm not sure that will sit well with the purists though, so I also conceive I will have (finally) actual bona fide aromatherapy blends. In the future when I'm all better and on my own for a while with no external aggressors, I am positive I will be enjoying my product making once again, and I can't wait to share my joy with you.

ok so i resmelled the gardenia perfume #3 and its too much myraldyl acetate. like way too much. it took forever to mix in and i used it too fast., i think: i have this idea but its just asking someone who knows how this works: for the myraldyl of givaudan.

its too sweet and shimmery and top its almost like a holy ghost but its too much and it turned into a veil for the all the essential oils
maybe i can try it at like 10% or less, in trace, and prepepared, i used .01 part in the formula so its too high.

for the homey may rose or what did i call it violet may
honey may
the first one had the #17 then the second one i made #17.2 then the 3rd one i effd up and used a peppermint bottle top cos lame and i changed the top but not before i noticed a slight change in the smell of the rose and i thought i was imagining things from the basenotes forum. it was the largest amount i made of the violet may trials, 30 ml perfume at 25% concentration, i used the last of my sandalwood so id go get more, its got more chamomille, it has no sandalore and ebanol (the sandalwood eo replaced these) i didnt use the violet accord from perfumers apprentice, used a higher amount of the #17.2 (now just #17) and its a lot of fun and  playing a game with your memory and making  mixtures you can name and use in another thing in the future, its very cool and fun. also science and science kit at home. cos confinement and corona virus.
so now im back and i ate some kind of food i made from things i found in the valley of death that the most recent caveman dragged me into.
it was ... ok. i hope.
the caveman is obsessively pounding away at a rock hoping to break it open and use the inside part as a shield from the female horse that attacks him while he gathers berries for his tea.
he thinks the inside part of a rock is soft like an egg but can be molded like wet sand that will dry into a new rock. i want to rest but he is singing the songs from the last time he had exchanges and they are boring songs about street gangs and sucking things and in funny high pitched voices that makes them sound like they sucked up some helium before they recorded the song. my head is weary and tired of waiting for the caveman to leave for a few days expedition so that i can leave without leaving anything else behind but i doubt he will leave for longer than an hour at a time. tonight i thought of making the potion i learned from reading the cave walls by the flowers and plant enclave but caveman with his insistent display of rock pounding and terrible song listening makes it difficult to concentrate. i left some food for caveman so he stops his rock pounding but i dont like to waste food like he does. he makes a show of wasting because he wants me to know he is wasting me.
later on the food is cold and uneaten and caveman offers me some a veal steak he wants to prepare, but since i say no, he eats a pie he bought from the grocery instead.
they stole my identity my friends my family they stole my art work my contact list my computer back up hard drives they stole my pictures my business model they stole money from my wallet they stole my artisan products they stole my lifestyle they stole my life. until i die this is what will happen to me. this is what happened to the world. to people like me.
today i will try to remake the gardenia perfume #1 and #2. #2 is the one that smells like magnolia because i added michelia alba leaf. but according to another vendor the same name oil is the flower absolute. so im confused. i cant believe its the flower cos its super affordable. but i also found a vendor selling huge vats of oils in the 5 kg range selling these absolutes and sandalwoods for 50-70 for 50 ml. so im confused as to whats fake. retail, obviously. i would know. sometimes i used to buy the most amazing well made thing for less than a dollar, a component of jewelry making, the raw material, so valuable and useless on its own,  found in a dusty ebay shop, then i make the necklace and sell it for $90 and then that compenent wasnt so cheap after all.
owen just asked me if i wanted a foot massage... while im doing that. hes sweet. this is why i hate him so much. we just fought. lol / not lol. and yes i would love a foot massage.

an hour later... woops spoke too soon! i made french toast for owen and i and told him it was ready so of course he ignores me and tells me he is "busy" drawing (scribbling. his drawings are sketches and he does not keep them)  so i offer it again and he refuses and puts it beside him and i of course am again, insulted by his bravado. constantly acting tough but never when i need him to defend me against a man attacking me. ... because he is the man attacking me. anyway long story short he gets mad that i tell him i dont want to feed him anymore and take the plate back and he fights me so fucking hard and loses because he scrambles and gets *my* phone and CALLS THE POLICE because i didnt want to feed him anymore after he disrespects me with his acting the part of being a strong man who is "busy" so again my mood is ruined and again i wish i never met him, i wish his friends and his family would take him back like i pleaded. but no. of course, its easier for them to dump him off with me. an immigrant woman from the 3rd world recovering from lifelong abuse and recent targeted evictions from aggressive gang landlords. nice. apparently i deserve being made an abused unpaid caregiver for an autistic man who is actually manipulative and sociopathic. match made in heaven apparently. based on how people treat and have treated me, im the worst person in the entire universe! i deserve insults by retards and the police. for wanting to share a hot breakfast i prepared. apparently i deserve daily put downs and bickering insults and the police. the fucking police for taking back an unwanted french toast. for simply existing as the woman i am.

i wish someone i knew from before would just like call me up or come pick me up and get me away from these men. they come after one after another in rapid succession. theyre all abusive and they all seem like actors playing a part to abuse me. i dont know how to make them stop or go away.

aaaand now its 1 pm the police left about 30 mins ago i missed a delivery and havent gotten anything done. meanwhile owen is scribbling and acting like as if he is in deep thought, inspecting some martial arts hardcover while sketching, facing my work table. so if i sit down on my work table, owen is literally watching over me while acting as if he did nothing wrong.

i just want to have a safe place to live and creative and intelligent people around me. its too much to ask, i know. that said i would settle for a room and no guy sticking on me telling me he loves me while performing unloving just feeling kind of sick now and very uncomfortable. i need to come up with an exit plan.. . . .

but first, now that its 3 p.m. and owen made sure i did not get my medication all day after abusing me, i have to go to the dispensary.
oh but also i have to go to the storage and find a lightswitch plate cover i sold on etsy. my sales covered my unpaid fees so i get $4.26 for this sale. plus going to storage. and then shipping it.  its my fault for wanting to keep my business active while a gang of men come at me one at a time trying to destroy everything ive built up for myself.
i didnt end up doing anything today except getting made to pay for owens groceries. lame. i wish i was alone and never met the guy. i can say that about every guy i ever met. then he pays me back and buys more crap. when he runs out of money in a few days guess who he will be stressing on? and then i smoked all the lp weed today. it was ok. better than the black crap weed. ran out of the good stuff and smoked a doob of the fake sativa again and i just felt sleepy and sluggish all day. i associate the feeling of being cheated my monthy weed medication and given the shittest weed ive ever smoked, with the drivers that have delivered it to me weed. Ew. all of them are super ew. I feel like a slug and hope to get some proper sativa with no cbd or afghani or fakeness or whatever it is the black crap sell. there is so much to do but i am still not housed because owen. he will make excuses but thats what people like him do. im so tired. so tired. i wish i was stronger. do you know how many times men made me move this year just for existing as a female? do you know? THREE TIMES its only May. Three times MEN have FORCED THEIR EGO on me, making me move my belongings and rearrange my life FOR THEIR EGO. its a miracle im still alive today..... and not dead from suicide. do you know how difficult it is for me to exist as a woman? NO. you do not. unless youre like me, and ill need proof.

*new* just remade a tiny batch of another new reformulation of the honey may perfume. i removed the violet accord from p.a. that was in the original in trace amounts and adjusted everything else so its so much more. this new formula has all my sandalwood though so im out of it now...! want to get more. i was thinking of getting a new variety. but then if i want to remake this, it will smell different! im using santalum album...!

Rare Canadian (Quebecois) Essential Oils Goldenrod, Fern, Firs......

last night i found another distiller from quebec this one is golden! as in GOLDENROD ESSENTIAL OIL AND FERN ESSENTIAL OIL can you imagine how many damn fronds you would need to collect to make fern essential oil?? I am a little annoyed that I found them because now I *NEED* to smell these things. Damn.

Now don't say I never helped you.

Please buy responsibly and ethically!
Do not resell these on etsy for $36 per .5ml like that lame violet glass person in the states.  She does NO FARMING whatsoever and simply does not deserve that money.she cant even edit her copy its all wrong spelling and bad grammar.  for all i know she bought it off those girls in cali. actually they have some pretty rare stuff.... but after i get the fern and decide which goldenrod to get i wont buy every zest either because instead i'll be working on remaking the gardenia perfume (magnolia) and the violet may rose (honey may) or maybe honey rose. how can i describe this delicious floral honey nectar of the goddesses we believe exist? made the formula twice, both were 100% love. some of the ingredients are roman chamomille (this is the only therapeutic oil in the blend) honeysuckle absolute, rose de mai, reseda absolute, mimosa absolute (accacia dealbata aka wattle) sandalwood (santal album) this is the commercial grade oil, which i find very good!! (no idea on the expensive grades actually) labdanum absolute... ok i could go on but these are the heavy hitters... this isnt a botanical perfume as it has some aromatic chemicals and actually i think i need to change the magnolan but with what???? i think im allergic to it is why. i need to finalize the dosage of magnolan since i am very skinsensitive. i love the stuff though and every perfume i made last year had the damn stuff in it.... all day long baby!

Jessie Reyez - COFFIN (Audio) ft. Eminem

phenolic scent and a gardenia that smells of magnolia

one of the great new things ive recently learned is how to make a phenolic scent using essential oils.
i really enjoy that weird inhale phenols bring to compositions. currently trying green and orange phenolic fragrances... stemming from the bergamot imitation. im on an essential oils only tip right now and its working out so much better than before because now i am studying the gcms of oils and the components so i try to replicate those peaks using other oils with the same phenolic amounts. but to be real i dont actually know what im doing. just mixing up some oils using new ratios and its really working out..never made essential oil blends this fragrant before!
another thing that happened today was my tiny bottle of gardenia flower perfume spilled so i tried to save it and ended up wearing most of it. it actually smells like a magnolia flower. anyway then i sprayed one spray of the honey may perfume (i was calling it violet may rose)  and then i went out to get rent and omg! it smells sooooo good im happy i made these two perfumes and will remake them today. but i have to go out again to get bottles and this is the dirtiest and ugliest area in town no doubt. its expensive too! plus the emotional work i have to do in such squalid conditions. the unit is great but as usual i have to clean it like a deep clean then owen. running out of money sucks whn youre paying to get sick. its very difficult mustering up energy to constantly prepare food and clean not only what you did but the past tenants dirt too. very difficult. so expensive. im so tired! it feels like psycho collection agents money grabbing landlords squeezing anyone who they destroy with their relentless gangstalk spying and tag teaming. exhausting. but the perfumes are improving and i want to make them in larger amounts now.

Germans - Cruel

bergamot tip !

im making a bergamot recreation and its already super realistic with 6 ingredients! just found 5 more to add in small amounts. im only using essential oils and its a lot of fun, like doing a puzzle or mind game, if you like those.... been making dilutions all day and im so glad i invested in 100 tiny bottles! .30 cents a piece is a small price to pay for the convenience of use! so many dilutions!
ive made a few formulas for other perfume ideas and some of the accords i made are turning out really well. if i didnt get that thanaka lime also known as persian lime (its those little black ones for food) which is citrus x latifolia (key lime and lemon) i wouldnt have been able to make this wonderful bergamot recreation!
some of the ingredients im using are
bitter orange (citrus x aurantium) respiratory, lemon (citrus limon), blood orange (citrus x sinensis), ...... woops ! dont want to give it all away! specially now that im getting better. at making perfume formulas. its like when you get that click in your head..all my years of reading and learning and smelling are now exploding and i kind of finally know what the heck im doing making these perfumes. so this one is all essential oils. if i get these oils as therapeutic grade this blend would be the best! cos its got so many other beneficial plants in it ... this blend would be great as an
oil and it will be my first experiment with roller bottles and making a "perfume oil" but actually its an aromatherapy blend... but dont tell anyone that! atomizer blend! its for my lungs, a stimulant, it will refresh your system (conceptually) im reading about the medicinal properties of the individual chemical constituents in the oils im using to "recreate bergamot" which has an interesting lineage! but i think calling it a perfume would be more chic. i think im going to call it Bergamot 41.... for my "original"  birthday creation. of course i had a little help along the way from all the little avatars on basenotes..... (a lot of help in the form of nudges i got from comments and posts and i would make mental notes while doing the work of smelling/memory and creation) if it works out its a simple accord and also a complicated formula. I got the lime to rework the cannabis accord actually.. wanted to try to make a bergamot with lemonile and triplal but will play with these maybe have a version with a.c.'s to add structure and longevity and strength.. and while trying to find out what triplal and lemonile was and how it could be bergamot, i ended up making a bergamot, 1, because i go a nature identical "essential oil" and a real one from the same vendor but drat could not find the bergamot, which has aired out. i did however have my old sample still and used it as a reference instead but have been using my suppliers analysis to recreate the bergamot. it would also be good as a tincture or super dilution as a flavouring there is ... ok i will give up more ingredients... hyssop (hyssopum officianalis and chamomile (chamomelum nobille) blood thinner which are beneficial  get so excited with dumb things i learn i want to tell everyone and find out what they know about it too. im such a doofus of course everyone hates this kind of behaviour. when i made the second version and smelled my last bergamot sample from new directions as a comparison i could not believe how accurate my choices were!!! of course it needed fleshing out but wow! ive never done this before picture me on the sofa on the coffee table all these bottles everywhere sniffing one palm then the other giggling with glee and shock (the bergamot from new directions was inexpensive though, do you think it was diluted, the sample on wikipedia is green almost like olive and ive never bought one like that) (i wondered if after all the good stuff was done how many more passes ethyl alcohol will have on the pressed peels) interesting bit is learning about the history of lime, which originated from a philippine citrus, from the south, not for food use but rather cosmetic in use due to its use as a shampoo (the citric acid i suppose closes the hair shaft, cleanses the scalp, and makes the hair very shiny and the oil makes the hair fragrant) it might have also coloured the hair to orange or lighter brown because of the high bergapten in the oil. which is photosensitive, then down the line as the fruit was passed along as a gift- because it would have been rather precious to tend to a live plant across the ocean if they were just using huge galleons at the time. . .i guess they brought seeds but the live plant as a gift is def the way to go and totally believeable because why import a plant that has no nutritional value (oh wait..scurvy)  at some point this lime was crossed with lemon to make the key lime probably adding more pulp as described in wiki, then this fruit was paired with the bitter orange to make bergamot . . . the rest is history !-- ok wait im a bit confused here. so citrus micrantha is bred citrus limon and then with bitter orange to make bergamot. in world war 2 italy was banned from exporting bergamot by the allied forces (united nations) to tone down their aggression during the war so other countries took over the bergamot trade for a while using sweet limes from brazil so the smell is not the same which is why (maybe) there are two bergamot oils. the original one and the fake one. and also to note bergamot oil i guess is classified as a fragrance oil because it was bred for cosmetic use. isnt that a weird spin.  there isnt much study on the medicinal effects of bergamot as of 2017. the poison is the dose is why the original limes were small and had not much juice. the strength of the scent carried it through and its origin was not lost because the fragrance could be traced. much like language and genes.

happy birthday to me

another lame ass boring birthday with nothing to do but spoil myself!!! actually im going buy some weed and perfumers alcohol. and a new pair of shoes!!!! i dont have any.
the weird part about my birthday is i never have a party or anything or dinner or nothing like that. it all goes back to when i was a very small child and one year i wanted a birthday party but had to give out the invitations early cos school would be out for summer even though my birthday is on the 1st... anyway i remember the invitation cos i kept some in a yellow tupperware school pencil box and had them forever after.... so my birthday comes rolling in and my parents asked me if any of my classmates were coming and i remember being apprehensive as a child and then no one came to my birthday party that my parents told me i gave cards out for. it was a very early memory and i remember just doing nothing for my birthday every year and its always been like this. after the terrible mass shunning in 2012 after alvaro got deported my abusers ushered in and started destroying my online life and damaging my reputation in real life so i forgot about trying to be friends to people who were talking behind my back. i never use facebook anymore so dont get the auto greetings from my old high school classmates and since that shunning i dont have any other friends ive kept in real life because who needs enemies right? but its my birthday again and all thats happened to me is stuff i never wanted to happened and in fact im just waiting for the day to end because its just another day reminding me of how horrible my family and anyone who called themself a friend was to me. happy birthday me! i have some new perfumes i would like to make more of so im off to the apothecary and dispensary! owen got me a strawberry shortcake last night, one of my favorite cakes ive been dreaming of for a while. he was the only one who knows its my birthday. oh yeah! and my order of 100 tiny bottles arrived as well. yipee! i can now keep a sample of all my first perfumes and actually iwas going to use these bottles for dilutions and possible sales or swaps (i deleted my basenotes thread. fuck that i dont need to be talked about by proxy/doxx then made out to be the aggressor by the moderator the two gross posters had less than 10 posts each and were much newer than i am but the moderator doesnt know im contantly harassed so they harass me instead and this is how my life has been since 2012.. so yeah fuck that place. none of them know the difference between an essential oil and a fragrance oil apparently nor do they understand the grades of essential oil so im not about to go get torn to shreds by paid shills when all im doing is literlly posting what im learning while all they do is gang up on me to discredit me while they steal my energy concepts and sources. yesh super downer but whatever im super used to it. main thing is that i got my mini bottles in like 2 days! they are the cutest little things, i thought they were marked to 2 ml but they are marked to 1.5. so tiny and scientific with the little white label part. i might bring some to the apothecary in case they have something i really black current bud absolute?? nah! its like 38 for 1 ml!!

8pm. yipee! a whole liter of perfumers alcohol, japanese peppermint organic and regular (the regulars more minty) and a new pressed lime (ive remade the cannabis accord but ran out of lime)
plus instead of shoes (i know, dumb) i got a uv light sanitizer for stuff like my keyboard, bottles, phone... then i bought the daily special sativa from which lp makes this? from bonnefire! on queen. couldnt go into the shop- looks great though! super cute. and the bud is so great! no idea what genetic stock its from. i just hope theres no afghani in it.. doesnt feel like it so far. ahhh i feel so much better already. has a bit of a berry haze jack flavour. and now its time to play! gonna make my hair tonic again with my new oils. im not sure about the rosemary and the geranium....they smell ok but im not sure. the lavenders and the organic corn mint should be ok though...with perfumers alcohol now and not the lcbo stuff plus water. . . wow this weed is super bonne!!! i feel SO much better. i hope i never get lazy and buy shoddy black market weed ever again! whew!