well covids been a shit show for me, it feels like everyone is playing the game of humiliate the so called whore that everyone abused. it also feels like all the men and landlords who got away with abusing me and draining me of energy and money are now super stalkers following me around making sure i feel uncomfortable and gross. then i have the so called boyfriend who loves to make me feel humiliated as if he is playing his own game of lets see what i can get away with not doing for her while i take every single thing i can get while disrespecting her true intentions and wishes. theres also the drop in camp and retail/food service troupe that thinks I’m uber wealthy specially when boyfriend hollywood look alike with in tow, for sure they will make me pay. i think its the whole she must be a prostitute look i have going on wearing these ratty ass clothes cos i don’t have a place, i have a huge closet where nothing is organized or furnished to accommodate anything else but stigmatization. or maybe its how i walk trying not to pee my pants…it must be so very seductive to people who are meant to provide me with customer service, mostly idiots in the food industry or security guards or arrogant taxi drivers. i haven’t had a day where i don’t feel like I’m being mocked and made fun of and made TO PAY must be the black people ebonics troupe “finessing the thot” oh you know how those types think- trashy. I’m exhausted. homeless for over a year now, since april 2019, not a friend in sight, everyone wants to and loves to shit on me, steal money is the prime task according to my experience. then there is the poverty entrenched boyfriend, who never has money and when he does makes a point to get scammed out of it in front of me as i tell him please don’t get scammed stay away from these people, and there he goes and hands them hundreds of dollars, that should have been for us and our living, but no he doesn’t think nor is he actually supportive. he just wants sex like everyone else and like everyone who would claim i was a whore to abuse me, won’t pay for it. isn’t that the excuse though? she must be a whore so i can feel justified in abusing her. feels familiar and the literal only thing I’ve experienced since what, since i moved to toronto? the men that i met here were ew and what have they actually done for me? destroy me my reputation steal my identity ruin my chances spend my money steal from me make fun of me mock me belittle demean and disrespect me, i could go on, but then you’d have my life story.
ah covid. thank god its over. too bad stigmatization of the finest in society has only shown it is the lowliest and dumbest, most uncultured and uncivilized, that do the stigmatizing, and the entire human race is all the worse for it.

when can i die? when are these abusers going to finally kill me? or is too much fun for everyone to watch me slowly fade away and rot on the streets? must be.. its how my fam wanted to see me go. abused. isn’t that right? what else has been denied to me? access to a washroom, thatsright, apparently everyone wants to see me pee my pants, pee on my shoes, pee in the alley, pee in the park, like a dog right? I’m just a bitch, a dirty mutt, a what? oh thats right, I’m a whore a prostitute, thats right i forgot, unworthy of respect help or support. i totally forgot, thats what everyone wanted me to be for them so they could disrespect me to no end.
been camping in the parks actually, one park, bickford park, was the worst camping pubic humiliation covid shit i ever went through. not only were the fucks using my phone as some kind of remote communication device (iphone4) but i also saw from out of town my older brother, my ex husband, and this guy i knew eons ago, all of them refusing to acknowledge i was there? like they flew in from other countries to pretend i didnt exist. NICE. really friendly. that part i noticed was midy khalon from the mindy project with her little secretary ot whatever, literally saying / repeating what i was texting on my phone out loud while she was talking to the creepy bdsm plus children in tow group of men. not only that but the entire usually empty park was completely filled with people who were mocking me and repeating everything iwas saying out loud. then of course the boyfriend wanting to have sex in the middle of all of this, its literally the only thing he wants to do when i want to do anything else. its part of the lets humiliate this so called whore and force her to have sex everytime she wants to do anything else. wow almost 9 months with this guy and where am i living? he is supposed to be helping me find a place to live because all the landlords think im a whore who isnt allowed to live anywhere. so i get this guy to help me and this is how he does it. by insulting me. imagine me, i finally have a bunch of money, my award money from being abused, and instead of renting my own place, i fuck around with a retard that looks like my ex’s and watch him drain every last ounce of my energy and all my money. he literally does nothing. im so tired i honestly hope i die today. im exhausted. im sure i wont hear the last laugh at me till i fall asleep so the day is still long.

my secret spot i told the boyfriend and all the abusers started coming around. for example today the guy keith clarke i lived in his house a few years ago it cost me money to move and before the month was over on the 24th of december, the day before chistmas, he kicks me out because i did laundry during the daytime (then he took out the drain for the dryer so my clothes were wet and i had to leave) and he claims i wasnt nice to his air bnb guest who im pretty sure totally loved talking to me to my detriment. anyway that asshole, he was right outside the entrance to msecret spot that i brought owen to. its super gross. i wont even mention what colour these people are im just saying i think they are being racist and they are now going after me like some kind of crusade. im exhausted. did i tell you how tired i am? did i mention i have a biyfriend i wish i never had? im so tired. i had one guy borrow over a hundred dollars from me and literally say to my face im not paying you back, same time so called boyfriend takes 200 dollars from me, give me 50 back and refuses to pay me back the rest. then i have hundreds of dollars missing from my account, and all the addict homeless people after me like butter on toast cos i have money i SAVE AND DO NOT SPEND but they think they are justified in taking it from me by any means necessary. its incredible how lonele intelligent people are. and lonely is how they should stay. most everyone is a god damn low i/q/ dumb ass and the loneliness you will ever feel from being smarter than your peers is nothing compared to the abuse you will go through because you wanted a friend to hang out with but unfortunately your friend is embarrassed at lack of funds and jealous at your brilliance. so it turns into you getting insulted every chance they can get. its not fun and its not worth it. people are shit, they will shit on you, they will deny you, they will try to one up you, for no reason other than the fact that they think you are better off then them, even in mere demeanour or breezy attitude. you cant relax when everyone youre paying to serve you is a jealous psycho ready to hurt you anyway they can, nevermind people you actually know. i could write an entire encyclopedia on how much abuse i went through because i thought you were supposed t stay with “people you know” oh fuck. NO never do that. the people i know were the most abusive people i came across! so i dont know what to do anymore. i guess its stop hanging out with owen and stop going to the drop ins. for example now, i found a nice quiet nook in the library and now its filled with with people literally i can smell the disgusting perfume and they are sitting right beside me stealing my energy and privacy and they stole my spot because they didnt see it, they saw me, and saw how i was enjoying myself and they wanted some of it. THEY STEAL FROM ME BECAUSE THEY ARE BLIND AND STUPID . im EXHAUSTED