you know ive like, seen lots messed up stuff. but this video, is the most disturbing video ive seen in a while.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=327_1195303011

yo big pharma, go suck on a vaccine

raising brands


O woman of my womb
mistress of my wound
Webbed fingered woman
your lust excites me so

O woman of my lonesomeness
woman of my life and loins
Wayward woman of heart and soul
your flesh ignites me so


Oh lover of my truth
knight of my days
Scowling faced boy
your introversion kindles my passion

Oh lover of my excesses,
creature of my thoughts and action
Secret nobleman of love and pride 
your skin moistens me so

--

jesus, by a fine silk thread
you manage to pull me up again
a moon beam piercing deep night
my waters surface trembles still 
in your clasping love and hour

.:

(i want to see you again)

.:

did Moses ever see the true face of God?
did the lion ever flee from the gazelle?
does it ever snow in summer for a change?
do clear skies predict the rain for once?
enigmas, wonders, unfathomable presences!
is it a sun shining down or a mole in the eye?

.:

not sure, didnt have a chance to ask, but im going to say yes just to be a contra.
http://www.discoverwildlife.com/sites/default/files/images/Lioness%20with%20Wildebeest%20Kill-4855.jpg i have not seen it, but quite possibly it has, in a form of literature we have not read, or painting we have not seen.
it snowed in arizona the other day, i hear.
i can tell you right now, it will be sunny again.
definitely celestial bodies of sorts meeting in the atmosphere through wave patterns or maybe something more penetrating and simple such as true belief in the other or, something...
and what of you speak here? the sun spot, the illusions, blood clots, badgers and toads of wild woods and never ending streets flowing into open spaces between looking for a place so rooted in the natural world that greed and hate, confusion and malice are the lesser qualities dabbled in with regards to human interactions. oh i dont know maybe it is exactly what you say. tbh i actually have no idea what you are talking about, do you?

('-')/

.:

a mystic flower rises before me like a sacred cup !
a dawn of beginnings with no trace of dire end,
an end of twilight with no apparent beginning;

evocative are her sprees of sporadic logic and love
on bridges of wheat and wind she walks the fine line

and i worry for her tiny step, those tangled tresses,
the yarn of dreams in her thigh - even her losing a shoe!!

so it behoves me to ride to her on a steed sheer chivalry :

and cross the moats girded around her hearts sanctuary
pleaing all the while for her praises of due honour,
proffering fruits of worship and a lip of sweet service
to her, for her, and always by her!    Amen

.:

mysterious stranger with similar tales
of words of woe of wonder and water
how it flows and goes, how to know 

mysterious you are, a shadow, an illusion, a clever trick 
your insults, your compliments, your soft prose makes me tick

the disadvantage of being true is a curse. 
id so much like to go in reverse and traverse the field,
meet you there, in the centre where nothing bad happens.

---

now time is fufilled
the earth opens like a palm
clap Orpheus' hand firmly dear one
and don't ever look back!


no, i say, i refuse 
turn to salt, turn to rock, turn around!
i look back and in doing so, i know
where to go

and where not to.


what do you know you re a poor pilgrim
a pebble bruised from wave and ocean wave!!

you think you know the universe in a star
a lonely star amongst others
where orbits get lost in aimless
drifting and drowning !

.:

you are a troll! i caught you!!!

...

yeah you caught the wind and the autumn leaf
now you can't see anymore because Zeus appeared
before you in all his thunderous clap and clamor!!

...

youre such a weirdo
im gonna reply to your nice one
jerk.

.:

and what do you know of orbits and waves,
i think you know more than you would like to share.
to have that advantage, to plunder and pierce me,
brutally scorn me, abandon me, refuse to speak to me!!!

.:

i look at you from my depths and you look back-
cut me some slack, throw me a bone, do you got my back?

you boast, you scoff, you put me down, you tell me 
to give myself to you, and i do, constantly, you harden my spirit
i flee, my chrome flies off, my shield transmutes
into dust and unknown territory.

call the firefighters, call the all the kings horses and all the red queens men.
call the police, call 911 >>> C911 // (telephone hand sign) + nine one one = c9ll 

wow that was kinda cool
lets do that again.


.:



your my Ariadne abandoned on rock
awaiting her Dionysus

...

i love you



.:

...
(two uniformed policemen on horseback cross the intersection)

...

.:


that was amazing lol!!!!
o my cool one in a long dress


when you left the safety of the shores
you left behind the burning dust
the mud piled mounds of lust!!
you let drop a feather on my face
you let the rain run coolily apace
you are seed of summer melon
a linnet mild and full of curiosity
you are a garden full of life and love
a sky full of light and looming dream
i can't see what is cloud or mountain edge
intrepid we brace the wind and wildness!!!

.:

how can i blame you for not staying with me,
for leaving me. 
your song must be sung and heard by all

while i stumbled in this barren cave i saw
the light through a crack and decided to leave.

.:

"don't go" i hear a muffled cry come from the confines of my chest!
"for my love for you is earth rattling"!!!

.:

i have not left!
let not the deception of a deadening potion deceive us!!!
the cave i come from is of dark magic, illusions and deluge.
let the causeway be our dyke as we walk on by
saying goodbye to our only child confusion
let love come to fore, the mist clears and the mountain 
slopes, see the path, the road, the edge is a pillow,
float onto me, and nestle yourself onto my blossoms.

.:

i see nothing but you behind the rising mist and storm gales!
i hold out my hand in the confusion hoping you'll reach in!!
i m your saint in a world full of sin
i'm your passionate lover in a world full of mediocrity and mendaciousness
how long will the sea's separate our pulping hearts?
how long before the stars and sun crash down on us!?!?

.:

ive given up asking those questions, lover!!
i ask and implore and you have nothing solid for me to step upon.
id like to embark your ship
look through your portholes, see land and store the plank.
make a fort, and love you in it.

.:

hasten then my love
hearken to my call then
for my ship sails tonight!
are you in?
lets begin!!

.:

(and there was a heave silence)

what if we're both alling
in a vortex of wheel and feet??
spinning endlessly - a thread
of listless light and  loving embrace
origins like oval mouths
and swollen lip and gland

where are your eyes if not
on your burning lips
your hair : rivers flowing
into my ocean's berth
your mouth seductive as
shoulder and neckline
you speak and the earth forgets
its spinning and weaving

how many borders one has
to cross to reach your portal!
teach me how to pray in your temple
teach me about the stars and the night
show me eyes half closed in wonder
and bewilderment and bashfulness
point out to me the planets and galaxies
the ones both living and dying
vouchsafe for me the hours and minutes
the sundial and slick shadows
the dawn and dusk
the sun and moon
the land and sea
love me always and forever
or for a moment in eternity
its all the same
the mind soars and sails
its mast flaps in the blowing wind
eagle and hawk wed in sacrimonious sky!!

.:

alright, begrudgingly, ill take your hand
and walk with you to the heights of no physicality.
it pains me and hurts my sensibility
yet
i love you and if this, lover, is what you can provide me,
a smile on a page, a laugh in this empty room, something to learn,
than i shall accept, with a half empty heart
i ask you to pity me and feel my tears stream down my breasts
as the sun hits my back, our parade of strength and unsuitable companionship
zero transit cash money + snow storm blizzard + far away errands = crap!!!

how to make a costume hat

so im making this pothead thing. its pretty tripppyyyy i love it.
here are the pics so far. its getting dark so i wont take any more but im on to adding the greenery.
good thing my EX-imaginary-marijuana-boyfriend (ehem,cough,cough) friend sent me beautiful bud pics so i am copying what the plant looks like and translating it into fabric. and plastic. i bought a fake plant at the dollar store.

first i made this wire thing. its meant to be a clay pot.
hah my face. i should wear my retainer again. my freakin snout.
so here it is just the wire

then i covered it in fiber fill, but i forgot to add the top part.. you'll see...


so here it is covered, with the top part:


 materials are wire, chicken wire, cutting tool, flat nose, fiber fill, needle thread and masking tape

then i added the top part, the actual plant part with the wire (19 guage)



and now covering it and making the buds!!

woops edit! it was too tall haha so i made it shorter.


then i added these fake plastic branchy things


here im sewing leaves and i made these pompom buds out of some fancy yarn

 this is my buddy mark helping me make pompoms


this is kinda what i was thinking it would look like. im going to make a lot more leaves and i hope it looks realistic lol


kinda funny, right?


ill update again tomorrow, i plan on on finishing the pot part.
...
ok so i redid the whole thing, well the plant part. i wasnt too sure and then, my revolutionary boy said it looked like outdoor, mexican brick weed lol

so i bought a different yarn color and ditched the mini tree cos everyone knows marijuana plants dont have little leaves like that, and i just i made a huuuge bud.

i redid the leaves too. the fabric is this super fray crap ribbon, so i folded it in two and sewed finer leaves, no zig zag, and also fray stopped it. what a pain, better to get better fabric, but this ribbon was a great colour and it had a nice sheen like trichromes



these are the new leaves


so that was before i glued everything together
and here is it finished, the protoype and i can make another from the materials i still have.

i need to make patterns is what i learned. duh. i shouldve known better, also i didnt strengthen it as much as the first plant exploration, so i need to reinforce it as canna therapeutic requested it be strong enough to withstand strong winds!

i had some really nice pics to refer to and im looking forward to making the first one off the pattern.

pic of me wearing tomorrow its too dark now the ones i have are no good ;D

as i sit and wonder


the smoke blows towards the window
to the lake,
mingles with steam pipes and breath 
and meets you.
comes inside of you and intoxicates you.
your blood warms and 
lively are its cells filled with my essence.

your viking ship sails by my port-
frequently
slowly
unhurriedly,
you dock into me.

as i watch your approach i see your wooden planks.
aged, painted, 
bored portholes seeking a view.

.:

lets do this another way today. 
this way, or stoned you shall be,
as we travel the lost highway.

.:

i look around, i look at you
and put a blanket over your face!
i cover you in darkness and tell you to pray
i tell you to lie down, be still, worship me and obey!

would you believe in me? 
if you do, i'll set you free.
no passed words, no locks,
you can do what you want,
saint peter has nothing on mohammed! 

.:

this bet is ours, the bed is sour. 
the glass is piled with books of nonsensical chatter.
clutter and dust! the mist i exhale adds onto this lust,
for passions unrivalled, unlimited. No trust
is needed for this type of ride to our freedom.

A token, a nickel, a dime-
rounded off to the closest 5.
ridiculous! and what of the saying, rubbing together?
phrases and ideas absurd, please surrender. 

bring another, drinks on me, feed me your words
your thoughts, ideas and splendour.
i need it, i want it, i demand for no other! More of
living with honesty and strife!
the struggle, you hear? is what makes this so dear
to my heart, my face, my age, my page,
alights from no stopover flights!
around the world in 8 days.

the extra one for going backwards in time.




ugh. you guuuyyyyssssss. yeah well my new imaginary boyfriend totally dumped me after i encouraged him to go out with another chick. im such an idiot. so now i have no one to inspire me to do that calendar with or to go back to van anytime soon. cos my dads bday is too soon and no money and definitely no inspiration. ugh. seriously life??? i dont even know why i even fuckin bother. guys are such shits anyway. well maybe cept those who write me poems. so im making some stuff... new necklace design it is so gorgeous. lyndl assembled two. and i need to make something else for it.. and also the pothead head thingies... im making them now but i nee to buy a glue gun. the lighter thing would work but im currently using two broken lighters. so its a hassle. im forlorn and depressed. even if  i never met the guy i was relly excited to have someone to inspire me to do the calendar. dratissimo!!!!!!! also, i realized the other day i dont go any of the rallies. im not a real activist lol.
ok ill come back in a better mood with pics of the helmet thingy base and maybe my poetry reply.
so the other day i met up with this nice activist lady from montreal who wanted to make these custom costume hats.. hehe they are pretty funny and ill post pics of the process while its coming along. she wanted them to be paper mache and ill see what ill end up doing cos i have all this felt in the right colors.

meanwhile some guy on facebook has decided to take on the responsibility of being my poetry partner. but these are 18+ poems ok.

haha

so here is his and ill let it stew in my head while i think of a reply. its kinda different style.. he is a writer for t.v. out in vancouver.
oh well let me start with the first two and then his new one...
and actually, ill stop writing to my imaginary boyfriend. cos i broke up with him. well, i told my imaginary boyfriend that i got a new boyfriend (also imaginary) and hes off the hook. then, i called him out on some stuff, then he blocked me. go figure. then i told my dad about the new imaginary boyfriend and he told me i always use the word love when i should use the word infatuated. so i said ok whatever. im infatuated with my new boyfriend. i just hope he is real and i that i shake the feeling that he is some kind of imaginary person. haha and no i am not crazy you just dont understand my language. so now back to real life. le sigh...
on to the poetry!


POEM 

When I met you I was air, condensing into cloud
And you were stoic mountain
Bearing the strain of continental shift.
I told you I wanted to tit fuck your perfect, lofty peaks
And despite your smile, I knew
You were offended by the ether of my reality, 
Even mocked my lack of substance. 
In your mind, air is beta, something lesser than
Great Ape, or the fire that made your form.
In my mind, we are equal, and if anyone is capable of sliding
Between your jagged curves
It’s me.

-----

Your jest super sized me and
your moves moved me
to this level of content.
Aloft upon this continent, the net we make,
I weave, you breed.
Ride me, slide me, my mountains meet your wordsmith and
strike your sword hard.
Hear my sound twang in your wake.
Bake me and I'll stoke the fire you stroke in me,
indeed we are twins fraternal,
unknown mothers and fathers absent,
falling into each others depths,
ex's and whys have no comparison to our companion, union.
You and I make a great pair, pare the cobble, core the apple, behold, our saviours have risen!



-----


Slowly,
like syrup drips,
drips
on parted
lips,
the sugars rush and
Trigger to trip your chicklet teeth.
You are stoned and selfless,
Lounging, lacka-, lovely-
daisical,
immersed in
the universal
one.
With painted toes
on a glass table,
You allow your thighs to
spread
and push
a mouthful of
smoke against the ceiling.
The electrons in your room breathe
a sigh of sin,
and I am
one
of them,
Heady with mushroom
and cloud that grins.
An invisible
tongue,
a mouth made of mist,
That sips,
sips --
While your fingers
dance and dip
into your
Scent.





(wrote a reply in the post called 'as i sit and wonder')

i just realized that the posters have swear words on them and maybe i should indicate that section is 18+
so im going to try and fix the pics on the site again. hmm. i really doubt anyone will buy my conceptual art school confidential politit posters. they are kind of weird. im such a weirdo haha!!
but whatever, game on. my new intern lyndl is super awesome and she made two cluster necklaces last night. yup. my valentines date with creativity and business propagation.
also, today, i had this thought.. if you meet someone and they instantly remind you of someone in your past (good or bad) should you go on that feeling, that bodily reaction-recommendation? i would always give the person the benefit of the doubt but today i experienced an interaction that reaffirmed in me to keep listening to myself tell me what is happening while it is happening. that if i feel like someone reminds me of someone else, to look at why. is it how they look? how they talk? or is it their vibes. when its vibes, listen all the more closely. save yourself the trouble, or find yourself a treasure.

happy valentines day doll


oh lover, today is the day for love
and i love to long for your embrace,
this presence that knows no abandonment,
i cherish you and the memory of us.  

i live to breathe sighs of my love energy
to meet your breath and in time, take mine. 
our faces mirror the vast expanse of the unknown 
ether, mist, air and splendour.

my thoughts rise with every heartbeat this muscle makes, 
good cheer and constancy follow close behind.
gathering the love seeking love around me,
i take all their hands and hold them close to my heart.

but its you, lover, one look from you, a mere glance in my direction,
and my three parts unify. 
i become one, and my life is complete.

come dance with me, 
look at me, 
and lets have a wonderful day.



ps. i know matt h sent me that video a while ago but im i wasnt thinking of him when i wrote this k. sorry bud. happy valentines anyway ;D 

i hate valentines day. gawd why is it so damn awful all the time?? i think the last valentines day i totally remember is that one time simon bought me a cake and it was inscribed happy valentines day mini bear in red icing. its on here somewhere…. that was decades ago ffs!! shit. i don't even have my poetry partner to write to. i haven't written a poem in ages and its pissing me off. oh but i thought of a great idea for calendar. and there way too many hot guys on the internet to look at while i day dream about my plans to save the world. fuck. ok and also, im reading on the road and it makes me wanna go on a road trip to vancouver and look for this guy joe i knew when i was 23 cos i wanna say hi to him and also id like to visit my old friends in town and the new ones from the mmar coalition. damnit. i fucking hate valentines day!!!!! its *the* only day allotted on the year for love and you know how i love love and its like, the only thing i want, but these past two valentines SUCK BALLSAX :quesax: (to note, auto correct auto corrected :quesax: to :queasy: que easy??? really life???? REALLY???? so yeah. im gonna try to write a poem for fucking valentines day ok.

dear valentines day,

you suck.

love,

nicole


.:
no, seriously. let me try to cheer up some more. and ill write a love poem for all ages. nicole pinky swear promiz 

ughh so lazy damn. im sitting in the stairwell, my ass is flattening as we speak. i just sat up a bit for my posture, but now i can feel the cement on my butt bones. i should go to the back doctor. seriously. anyway i meant to post the posters up but all ive done so far is come to the stairwell to find a bunch of things to read online, go back inside, make and eat food and rearrange my living area / bed and studio, again. but i swear this times the best. although now, i have this useless bed frame i took off to save a few inces...which totally worked out cos i was able to put the vintage chest beside the bed. oh yes. but it a huge, cumbersome excessive piece of wood, and useless, and it broke really easily anyway just because it was so unmanageable and its quite untakeapartable. seriously is this thing ikea? beggars cant be choosers i guess. a lady "gave" me this bed. brought stuff to pretty freedom the other day and need to finish the bracelets im making now (they are say, 65% done, 5 of them) and hmm. yeah i should resize the posters and come back here. i was thinking of seriously setting up camp but its kinda lonely in the stairwell and.. hard. really hard. i need a seat. i wish i was doing this fair http://www.maps.org/conference/marketplace-goods-ideas/ and these are what i just read well, im gonna go read the second one and go to bed. and ill post the posters tomorrow. promise. also, nurse caps? soon. and, maybe, a new iyl co-operator. member. the first? http://www.realitysandwich.com/end_nature_and_birth_supraorganism http://www.realitysandwich.com/vibe_not_coincidence_healing

Politits Art Work Its!

*new* links added to the titles. click on links to go to shop listing (the pics are still kinda messed up cos i named them all wrong ill be updating that in a bit)

"Look Out For It"

"Jaws"

"Yeah You Know Me" aka "I Thought The OP Was Owen Pallet"

"Waffles Unknown Person"

"MJ Nice Guy"

"Scream, Who Are They?"

"Turtles"

"Silly"

"Control Me Control You"

"Did You Say Chardonnay?"

"Should've Believed You"

"Come Back"

"Cousins"




ok so these are $5 each pick up and ill put them up online later (they $7 online) (have to finish my laundry and eat something goddamn i am so hungry again. i just wanna eat pizza but should proly make something. i bought some chickens and i wanted to make fried chicken or adobo or something like that. i kinda wanted to make hainanese chicken but fried chicken and just have the broth rice and cabbage soup and the ginger, soy sauce and chili dip. mmm damn thinking about it already i just wanna go home and do that now.
ok i know everyone seems to like my old stuff but you know when youre sick of making something you dont wanna make it anymore
oh damn there is a drunk bum in front of me and he smells like liquor major

anyway

damn thats distracting

ok wait.

yeah so i guess :grumbleclud: (kicks dust, a wall, the air) ill just start making jewelry again

im so disappointed!!!!!!

i was hoping i could change my career. but NO ONE WILL EVER HIRE ME

unless they want me to do stupid shit or something.

:headdesk:

ill be back in a sec with the stupid fundraising posters. ugh. all my failed attempts at doing something else.

fundraising video and art

i made a video on sunday its super ridiculous. inspired by all the political headlines floating around my head and stupid trolls!!! ahaha thanks trolls. youve inspired me to become a better person.
anyway so i have these gummed sheets im selling for $5 a page. you can stick them up wherever you want! just add some water to the back.

(oh damn hold on. i need to upload the stuff i brought to pretty freedom and call this possible gig i got today)

here is my promotional video!!! i dont know whats wrong with me here. i must have been drinking ;D

have i been awoken to a plate of bacan?
do you reckon this imagination of a fabrication will ever turn into
a real life drawing of a picture of a memory of a dream?

Battles





My lover, my favourite boy, my most cherished memory…
Forgive me.
I fell over you today, as I do all days, I seek you without meaning to.
As you well know, everything reminds me of you, 
Going through the city is like walking through a play where
You are the director, the ghost writer, the star player in disguise.
I am your captivated audience, your captive, your half full cup
To the brim I tip my cap to you, kind sir.
Your patience and your understanding of this insanity called love
Mystifies me. 
You scholar, school me!!
Ive been bad, vacillating, overwhelmed. 
Strengthen me, prepare me for our dreams, 
I remember the first rhymes we sang each other
I was not ready then and you were so clever.
Still, now, I beg you to stay while running away. Silently,
My heart cries in anguish when my minds tells it to go.
So Im here, again, telling you to tell me, reminding you to remind me,
Love is real.
I feel it for you everyday. 



stuffz

shouldve applied for my new passport yesterday (chants x 5)

i want to see you again




You mock and taunt me love.
How it pains me not to see you.
You think I am strong, you find me beautiful,
 you say love had no meaning before 
You met me-and boom, thwack! Its whack.

Abandoned, my life crumpled, slumped to the floor. I lay desolate, 
couldn't take it anymore.
Constancy with no anchor, how can this force be measured?
Scale me, manipulate me, rotate me to calm?
Imprison me, reason with me, beckon me to beacon?
Stop this madness and awaken me to a plate of bacon.

I am tired, the ache of my heart does not compare to this dull pain-
pages of inquest have yet to seek the source…
Mysterious misery unbridled leads to instability, simplicity.
The complicit happy hippy I am disgusts me. 
Make me love me.
Love me, caress me, embrace me- 
My body, my lips, my mind, my race.
Welcome me, show me, lead me to your place.
I want to see you again and kiss your face.

heres a love poem... copied mine one off this other one called  sweet delightful one. i mean, copied its line formation and themes. wait, i didnt copy it, i replied to it. there. so this first one is the one i found and the second poem is the one i wrote in reply.

.:.

sweet delightful one 

Oh your body, like a grape, like an apple, 
you are a woman with your white hills and white thighs,
you look like a world waiting in sweet surrender,
a smooth runway I navigate through mist and bright lights!!

Your hips entice me as wind tossed wheat stalks waving golden!!
My desire like a mole wants to dig into your moist earth,
dig into your morbid roots, break open those silent seeds.

Before you came along I was alone like an island
even the birds had deserted my oasis
to survive I had to forge you like a weapon
an arrow twanging from my bow hitting your hot spot!

O your body of skin, moss, leaf, olive, orange, and salt 
O those breasts like moons swimming in round dreams
O your eyes of absence and ecstacy when you lie there 
naked and serene - satisfied and complete

O woman of soft sand I have come awash on your shores
like a lone wave from the worlds prison and monotony
my thirst, my boundless desire for you
all my rabid rivers flow into your oceans grip!


.:.


Annealed 

As metal is heated and cooled
My spirit forms into your yearning.
This world of blossoms, perfume and music
Rosy and glowing, awaits your majestic ingress!!

Oh my king, my temple, our cloud of union
Have you found solace in my abode?
I cherish the very wisp of your fallen ash.

This fertilizer, your seed, my moisture
Against each other we pulse with the rhythm of our blood
Drawing in and cascading out, probing and alive
The rain washes our sands and cracks fill and seal.

Beloved mastermind, lover, prince, king, priest and brother
Your patience has no limit, allow me to dip further into you
Let me taste your words as they caress me, bless me
 With your strength, cover me with your kindness.

My monarch, my nature. This beast within me
Unleash my passions onto you, grant me the liberty.
Stroke my pelt and smooth my character, prepare me
While I ravage your chest, your face, your groin, your neck!!

.:.

and then after a few more writings to "each other" i think the anon posting replying crashed burned and fizzled. so yeah who knows if the cereal will continue... i bought almond milk last night though... and was thinking i can eat serial again!