looking for a boyfriend

so my life isnt going so good. the calendars going well though. im looking for a boyfriend for the summer and beyond.
here is what i am looking for:

-nice
-sweet
-funny
-likes to go bring me to new places
-biking
-likes making food with me
-smart
-likes manly things that i would never like
-has a nice family
-isnt stuck up
-isnt a jerk
-isnt a liar
-lives in town
-communicates properly (better than me)
-is emotionally stable (im not very)
-doesn't get down on my moods like i do (knows when im getting my period)

and for being all this he will get:

-nice nicole
-sweet nicole
-funny nicole
-explorer nicole
-excersized nicole
-chef nicole
-smarty pants nicole
-girly nicole
-family oriented nicole
-humble pie nicole
-tolerant nicole
-truthful nicole
-neighbourly nicole
-communicating nicole
-stable nicole that likes to ride horses
-period nicole that isn't a bitch

please pass this on to suitable persons of the straight male sex, or if you are thinking of being my boyfriend here are some further points i need to clarify:
-if we went out before and you choked me and threw me to the ground please go to jail.
-if we have met and you have insulted and berated me for rejecting your advances please go to jail.
-if we have met and i was a total bitch to you but then i told you recently (within the past 2 weeks) that i love you, please contact me.
-if you are a total stranger and are all of the traits listed AND good looking and not any fatter than i am for your size please send me a picture and email and your number and i will call you
-if you think im being serious please go to jail
-if you are in jail and are serious about me please stay there (what are you doing there?)
-if you think im joking and dont let me know but you think we would make a good match please get in touch or go to jail.

but im so old now i dont suppose ill have my period for very much longer. yay!

the underground

it was only 80 cents

Welcome to the underground
this is the place we make the sounds that no one hears
We write those songs you think you've heard
but can't quite place
in other words...we're pioneers
Some of us thrive on rejection
we see through different ears
Some of us strive for perfection
Some of us make believe we're already there

Welcome to our lonely rooms,
this is the place we paid our dues, when they say don't
Perhaps this wasn't meant for you,
Perhaps you should go back to school... perhaps we won't
It's true we don't make much money
But still we'd like to be clear
At least we're not trying to sell you
something we ourselves would not want to hear

So, welcome to my mortal bliss
where dreams find wings in 4 track hiss then fly around.
On dusty wheels & crinkled tape
the poison songs each pollinate a face of frowns
Unless you're planning on sorrow
the future will only let you down
I'd trade all my tomorrows
for an extended stay at the here & now

Cause if I touched everyone on earth
I would have very little worth
in the underground

must have woken up on the wrong side of bed today. my shoulders and arms are so screwed.
after i get all my stuff together, if i were to move somewhere, where to? my rents too high and cant have another roommate, dont know how to choose people (literal nightmares) im not feeling so good today, maybe i was laughing too much yesterday. have to cheer myself up somehow. i will do my best to make something today.

ps. im going to the philippines. but should i move to somewhere else? maybe my trip will soothe me.

the calendars coming along. at least i have that to say. everything else is a big fat lol.
meanwhile, i guess i have to start making stuff again. i wanted to write a poem but i don't know what so ive been trying to draw and i came up with some trippy stuff but i forgot how to watercolor... i used to be kinda ok at it lol im so useless these days at least my problems feel less heavy a little bit despite them being really heavy problems.
maybe ill trace that nice trippy drawing i made recently and paint it.
the people i got for the calendar so far
simon redekop
mike diana
andrea wan
keith jones
caitlin russell
michael deforge
fab ciraolo
ernest concepcion
brennan kelly
feel like im forgetting someone haha wait let me double check...

wanted to ask chris anway out in san diego, its gonna be such a dope collection of peeps and imagery
if you know anyone whos a hemp, marijuana, cannabis, medical marijuana, alternative medicine, advocacy group etc etc etc who wants to put an ad up they start at $25 for a directory listing and there will be a pull out ad page for promos or whatever they would like. im open to any businesses that would like to advocate for the decriminalization of marijuana/cannabis.

peppertea, matt MSPAINT

Please beware that there is a tall 6'4" red haired, thin, gender confused person named "Matt" "MSPAINT" "peppertea" and god knows what other aliases he has. He claims to be an "anonymous member" hacker/troll and a multimillionaire. This is phone number and this is his email: 6477676898 mspaint@japan.com

He uses an android phone (?) and internet cafes. He wanted to move in with me and I denied him and he started insulting me. He told me via email and blog comments as of last month or so he is homeless now and spends his nights in internet cafes.

He is stalking me online and in real life. He moved to my neighbourhood and insults me, berates me online, stalks me when he sees where I will be. He wanted to be with me and I rejected him, I didn't want to be his friend either after his insulting inappropriate behaviour so he stalks me and surreptitiously  sends me mail and comments on my blog.

Will the police do anything? Not till I am dead or killed I imagine, and probably not even then. The police hate me. They send officers here protecting trash (my exroommate who I thought was ok) while they come in without a warrant and yell (assaulting) me by myself (unaccompanied/isolated) and bark at me as if I am some kind of prisoner in the dark ages in my own home (and without showing a proper warrant). I feel if I call the police they will not do anything and instead they will probably make it worse.

So I am putting this out to the internet and all my readers, including my stalker/s. (i imagine old man psychopath NLP guy who choked and threw me to the floor is reading as well :hurl: )
I can feel these men gloating and feeling so pleased with themselves with this post.

Makes me ill. They are draining, dangerous and a menace to society. Please Toronto police, do something about these two men in my neighbourhood who are stalking me.......

I am seeking a new center. Who are we?

To be honest I don't really care what people think, but there is always that nagging whisper, whispering projcted reactions and imagined scenarios regarding the event or situation at hand. The only thing that gives me pause is the fear put in me by my moral dictator. This moral dictator is growing so weak, it was never strong to begin with because I am my own person after all. This moral dictator is the only reason these nagging feelings and feelings of the need to be absolved of evil or sin exist. It must come from childhood religious brainwash and societal norms fed by the media and popular culture at large. The original concept of family is at risk in todays society. This is the main cause of my already failing moral dictators decline. Another cause is the fact that all recent relationships have been tests and gauges of the new moral dictator surfacing in myself. When this new moral dictator finalizes its form, it will absolutely supplant the previous place of the declining dictator. The care taken here before this new formation arises must be carefully studied and compared to previous powers. Weighing cons with pros and nos with yeses, this new moral dictator is seeking a new center. These centers are often found outside the body and dependant on the foundation laid by previous and current supplanters. 

ill be selling my stuff in parkdale today for a few hours. did the same yesterday, theres some kind of event in the hood. it wasnt very busy. i suppose everyone went to 420 rallies. i actually bought a ticket to go on a bus trip to ottawa and protest there but i decided it would be better to stay and try to make money, i didnt resell my ticket cos i didnt really feel anyone would buy it from me. for some reason i dont really feel like they think i am a part of their efforts. i suppose its residue from when i started, i felt like as if making any form of money during activism is taboo. i dont really know why. i dont think its normal for any activist to want to make money while supporting their cause. not really sure how that works. i changed the calendar idea to artists illustrations. these artists are biggie timee and the reach of the calendar will be much much further involving these people. not only does each artist have their huge following, they are also from all over north america. i just thought of asking my buddy in san diego so i also have west coast u.s. to distribute to. yes! meanwhile, im so tired these days and have been laying low. changing my scene and hoping for the best.

i use too many commas my friend was telling me the other day he doesnt know how to use em and i said i think i know how to use them but then earlier i reread this letter i wrote and i mustve used a hundred commas for this terribly long run on sentence lol like this one and if you can see i am not using any commas making reading what i write more difficult enough as it is with lack of capitalization and apostrophes aha i got you read this and weep literally!

so the artists on board for the calendar are pretty excellent.

posting them on my social network pages as they come up.

of all the ridiculous things i do this is one of the so super great ones!

dad called me such a hippy making an artist calendar for the decriminalization of marijuana lol.

gotta stick to what you know and i'm branching into being responsible.

right? i gotta do right by the coolest bank guy i know, wearing that star earring being as responsible as %^&*, hes actually the best guy.

if i can find home and go back to me, than i suppose everything will be ok.

my friend lent me her the doors cd, the best of the doors, i think this was the exact same album i had, i only had "the best of". people are strange, strange days, the crystal ship..all of these songs, so deep in my memory. i always say strange days! man, life blows sometimes. like today i had a total spazz fest brought upon by visa and the bank so i just freaked out, hyperventilated, cried a lot and closed my account! i told the poor tellers, this stress makes me wanna not make any money at all, trade with everyone, join a commune somewhere!! seriously. but also, i think im gonna change my name. then i can have two. one for canada. so now i need to open another bank account which annoys the heck out of me. why cant you just have one thing, forever, and it always works? boo. oh yes yes the banks say it is completely my fault. cool! excellent. so i say yes, please blame everything on me. it is my fault after all. yup.

Humanity has finally evolved to a point where our species is moving backwards.

We are destroying more than we build.

Every year the world economy grows by about $1.5 trillion (or a thousand billion).

But, every year, we devastate the planet to the tune of $4.5 trillion.

We have officially moved into reverse, laying waste to more than we create.

- Graeme Maxton, The End of Progress

just saw someones old show poster called "paano na si darna?" =what about wonder woman (the philippines version of wonder woman is this amazing creature woman called Narda. she puts a magic pebble in her mouth and swallows, says "Darna!" and transforms into a wonder woman. the stone comes out when she wants to transform back to Narda. she flies, shes super strong, she has a wicked sexy costume and she deflects bullets with her bracelets. she probably does other stuff too.)
reminded me of an old school field trip in san fran. we were at some shoreline and there were pebbles of salt. i picked one up and licked it. it was really salty.

wow you guys ive been having serious issues with my mother and dads annulment. so i posted on facebook i was thinking of suing her for human rights violations, her sister shares that post with my older brothers wife, and the next thing i hear is that my mother is suing my dad for brainwashing me and my younger brother to go against her. WTF?
is this lady is a serious psychopath or what? we are already leaving her alone. all she ever beat into us, the whole time she and her sisters were torturing us, she kept wanting us to "go away" she would tell us she didnt love us, that she wished we were never born etc. so why is she doing this?
to save her face? her reputation? what? why? so im working as hard as i can and im getting home and i am going to do what i can. apparently, there is a law my brother mentioned with whats going on that only applies to women. so being the only girl.....

i totally changed the calendar idea again!!! haha. well this one is kind of an original idea that i didnt really explore. but now that ive thought about it a bit, i hope it works better, actually i think it will work better.

lol i just reread my rambling from this morning haha sorry i have no idea on anything regarding politics and foreign countries ok.
so you need an actual store to sell on shopcastr. looks like i wont be winning an ipad anytime soon....
meanwhile i put up a few pieces on the website and im still looking out for fairs but im not having any luck here in toronto. meanwhile my poor bike is probably completely rusted over. i left it outside and didnt go back for it till now... errand runs and ill have my bike back! yay transit fare save i dunno why im so lazy. lol

etymology of the word marijuana (iyl ver.1)

ok so you guys know about my calendar idea right. i know it ridiculous but i really want to work on my art production. and even if its a scene im completely not involved with i really like what they are about.
so the ideas changed like a gazillion times. im not involved enough to get any view, a clearer grasp, my own stance. so i was thinking..since i know all these artists more than i know these women activists, i was thinking of changing the main image of the calendar to be an illustration depicting their vision of a marijuana goddess. I was thinking of the word marijuana and its from mexico. now mexico was colonized by spain. so christian motifs in their lore and language has seeped in. "Mary Jane" sounds like a bad american translation of mary joana. now mary traditionally mary is the mother of christ. and john baptised christ, but also its from latin meaning graced by yaweh. or graced by god. with this logic anything given this name is a conduit of the grace of god. wouldnt you say? now i think yaweh is ja and ja comes from el ? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/El_(deity) so my train of thought is lost but it included some political stuff on israel and how they are supposed to fight their enemies but actually they are fighting themselves because their enemy should be america not palestine because they live in palestine lol shit where you eat ey? i love eating on the toilet. sorry ive been reading all the wrong things. meanwhile i have to get crackin on my day and im going gto figure out how to properly upload items onto my shopcastr shop cos they are giving away an ipad and i really want one even though i just got a new old pc laptop. why not.

oh i want to go home so badly. my i.ds are in the mail and i am doing my best to save money for my ticket. i feel disconnected from my true reality and i am homesick for true camaraderie.

here are a couple pieces i had lyndl do, and she also practiced her photography and color correction and resizing :)

                                       
this piece i had her re assemble or something. i wasnt sure about it before but looking at it on someone made me like all the more

 this is the piece lyndl made, i had her copy the old seahorse pieces with whatever we had lying around and she came up with this piece. she made two and they are on the website.

in my stuff, theres loads of necklaces that didnt sell or even get shown. like this one was in a box of supplies :p

 this one is my current fave called the dream weaver necklace and was thinking of dream catchers cos i made a couple last year and thought of making it into a necklace somehow.

there are a few more pieces i need to put up and a bunch listing errors i need to fix which i dont really want to tackle right now lol so meanwhile its saturday spring cleanish...

so theres a new its your life member, lyndl. well, shes the only other member aside from myself lol. shes been learning how everything goes down and has made a few pieces and learned how to put stuff up on the website. she interested in relaunching its your life and its sparked my re-interest as well. so as she is learning, we are applying to fairs and adding new pieces to the website. were splitting the funds so support us cos were cool chicks.

my summer plans are kind of strange. and everything is so nebulous but i think the main point is i dont have any identity. its expired. why is travelling so difficult. if i was the pope i could go anywhere without a passport. but i think he might have his own plane or something like that. im not sure. oh yeah. so i have the place to myself again (that was majorly crazy) and ive been trying to fix it again. its better and ive done a new arrangement with the sewing desk. im so whirl winded with all these funny and difficult plans to get back home. i need to make way more money before i think of going and it matches up with my identity in the mail, and current lack of applied business acumen. so with lyndl, and the timing of this paperwork and the summer coming up, i hope i can make a business again out of my business and now have lyndl too, to inspire and be inspired by.
i got a new pc laptop computer and was thinking of loading it up with programs and then possibly bringing it to the philippines for cherry and josh. if i got a webcam and paid their internet connection they could communicate with me on their progress etc. also i have a registered business down there and was thinking of getting a business bank account and they could handle that, paypal funds could go to it and it could be good. so thats one of the funny plans. guess none of them are really difficult. i just get stressed. anyway so today i dont really have any plans but fixing up my place so i feel comfortable again in it. how did i come up with so much stuff anyway? :D


meanwhile, i went to montreal and niagara falls and here are a few pictures.
montreal was great, saw tina and we got to talk and reconnect. i miss everyone, as usual.
the arts in old montreal and the door, thats the ND door.

so this paste up says "what if love ruled the world?"

gossip girls.. thats me and tina but rina was missing...

notre damn... the ND door. impressive, heavy looking and formidable. it was 5 bucks to go into the church so we didnt go.

                                         the falls, and the rainbow bridge to the u.s.

theres a place called goat island over in the states where you look at the falls from there but canada got the best view. so i was thinking of drawing this...

so i was reading in the paper about all those untested metal replacement hips that they installed into people needing them..only to all be recalled. what jerks...
so the danzig shakira mash up does it again. i watched it twice and it still cracks me up, like hysterically.
this is for all the canadians who need a replacement hip for their replacement hip.

you know ive like, seen lots messed up stuff. but this video, is the most disturbing video ive seen in a while.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=327_1195303011

yo big pharma, go suck on a vaccine

raising brands

O woman of my womb

mistress of my wound

Webbed fingered woman

your lust excites me so

O woman of my lonesomeness

woman of my life and loins

Wayward woman of heart and soul

your flesh ignites me so

Oh lover of my truth

knight of my days

Scowling faced boy

your introversion kindles my passion

Oh lover of my excesses,

creature of my thoughts and action

Secret nobleman of love and pride 

your skin moistens me so

--

jesus, by a fine silk thread

you manage to pull me up again

a moon beam piercing deep night

my waters surface trembles still 

in your clasping love and hour

.:

(i want to see you again)

.:

did Moses ever see the true face of God?

did the lion ever flee from the gazelle?

does it ever snow in summer for a change?

do clear skies predict the rain for once?

enigmas, wonders, unfathomable presences!

is it a sun shining down or a mole in the eye?

.:

not sure, didnt have a chance to ask, but im going to say yes just to be a contra.

http://www.discoverwildlife.com/sites/default/files/images/Lioness%20with%20Wildebeest%20Kill-4855.jpg i have not seen it, but quite possibly it has, in a form of literature we have not read, or painting we have not seen.

it snowed in arizona the other day, i hear.

i can tell you right now, it will be sunny again.

definitely celestial bodies of sorts meeting in the atmosphere through wave patterns or maybe something more penetrating and simple such as true belief in the other or, something...

and what of you speak here? the sun spot, the illusions, blood clots, badgers and toads of wild woods and never ending streets flowing into open spaces between looking for a place so rooted in the natural world that greed and hate, confusion and malice are the lesser qualities dabbled in with regards to human interactions. oh i dont know maybe it is exactly what you say. tbh i actually have no idea what you are talking about, do you?

('-')/

.:

a mystic flower rises before me like a sacred cup !

a dawn of beginnings with no trace of dire end,

an end of twilight with no apparent beginning;

evocative are her sprees of sporadic logic and love

on bridges of wheat and wind she walks the fine line

and i worry for her tiny step, those tangled tresses,

the yarn of dreams in her thigh - even her losing a shoe!!

so it behoves me to ride to her on a steed sheer chivalry :

and cross the moats girded around her hearts sanctuary

pleaing all the while for her praises of due honour,

proffering fruits of worship and a lip of sweet service

to her, for her, and always by her!    Amen

.:

mysterious stranger with similar tales

of words of woe of wonder and water

how it flows and goes, how to know 

mysterious you are, a shadow, an illusion, a clever trick 

your insults, your compliments, your soft prose makes me tick

the disadvantage of being true is a curse. 

id so much like to go in reverse and traverse the field,

meet you there, in the centre where nothing bad happens.

---

now time is fufilled

the earth opens like a palm

clap Orpheus' hand firmly dear one

and don't ever look back!

…

no, i say, i refuse 

turn to salt, turn to rock, turn around!

i look back and in doing so, i know

where to go

and where not to.

…

what do you know you re a poor pilgrim

a pebble bruised from wave and ocean wave!!

you think you know the universe in a star

a lonely star amongst others

where orbits get lost in aimless

drifting and drowning !

.:

you are a troll! i caught you!!!

...

yeah you caught the wind and the autumn leaf

now you can't see anymore because Zeus appeared

before you in all his thunderous clap and clamor!!

...

youre such a weirdo

im gonna reply to your nice one

jerk.

.:

and what do you know of orbits and waves,

i think you know more than you would like to share.

to have that advantage, to plunder and pierce me,

brutally scorn me, abandon me, refuse to speak to me!!!

.:

i look at you from my depths and you look back-

cut me some slack, throw me a bone, do you got my back?

you boast, you scoff, you put me down, you tell me 

to give myself to you, and i do, constantly, you harden my spirit

i flee, my chrome flies off, my shield transmutes

into dust and unknown territory.

call the firefighters, call the all the kings horses and all the red queens men.

call the police, call 911 >>> C911 // (telephone hand sign) + nine one one = c9ll 

wow that was kinda cool

lets do that again.

.:

your my Ariadne abandoned on rock

awaiting her Dionysus

...

i love you

…

.:

...

(two uniformed policemen on horseback cross the intersection)

...

.:


that was amazing lol!!!!

o my cool one in a long dress

…

when you left the safety of the shores

you left behind the burning dust

the mud piled mounds of lust!!

you let drop a feather on my face

you let the rain run coolily apace

you are seed of summer melon

a linnet mild and full of curiosity

you are a garden full of life and love

a sky full of light and looming dream

i can't see what is cloud or mountain edge

intrepid we brace the wind and wildness!!!

.:

how can i blame you for not staying with me,

for leaving me. 

your song must be sung and heard by all

while i stumbled in this barren cave i saw

the light through a crack and decided to leave.

.:

"don't go" i hear a muffled cry come from the confines of my chest!

"for my love for you is earth rattling"!!!

.:

i have not left!

let not the deception of a deadening potion deceive us!!!

the cave i come from is of dark magic, illusions and deluge.

let the causeway be our dyke as we walk on by

saying goodbye to our only child confusion

let love come to fore, the mist clears and the mountain 

slopes, see the path, the road, the edge is a pillow,

float onto me, and nestle yourself onto my blossoms.

.:

i see nothing but you behind the rising mist and storm gales!

i hold out my hand in the confusion hoping you'll reach in!!

i m your saint in a world full of sin

i'm your passionate lover in a world full of mediocrity and mendaciousness

how long will the sea's separate our pulping hearts?

how long before the stars and sun crash down on us!?!?

.:

ive given up asking those questions, lover!!

i ask and implore and you have nothing solid for me to step upon.

id like to embark your ship

look through your portholes, see land and store the plank.

make a fort, and love you in it.

.:

hasten then my love

hearken to my call then

for my ship sails tonight!

are you in?

lets begin!!

.:

(and there was a heave silence)

what if we're both alling

in a vortex of wheel and feet??

spinning endlessly - a thread

of listless light and  loving embrace

origins like oval mouths

and swollen lip and gland

where are your eyes if not

on your burning lips

your hair : rivers flowing

into my ocean's berth

your mouth seductive as

shoulder and neckline

you speak and the earth forgets

its spinning and weaving

how many borders one has

to cross to reach your portal!

teach me how to pray in your temple

teach me about the stars and the night

show me eyes half closed in wonder

and bewilderment and bashfulness

point out to me the planets and galaxies

the ones both living and dying

vouchsafe for me the hours and minutes

the sundial and slick shadows

the dawn and dusk

the sun and moon

the land and sea

love me always and forever

or for a moment in eternity

its all the same

the mind soars and sails

its mast flaps in the blowing wind

eagle and hawk wed in sacrimonious sky!!

.:

alright, begrudgingly, ill take your hand

and walk with you to the heights of no physicality.

it pains me and hurts my sensibility

yet

i love you and if this, lover, is what you can provide me,

a smile on a page, a laugh in this empty room, something to learn,

than i shall accept, with a half empty heart

i ask you to pity me and feel my tears stream down my breasts

as the sun hits my back, our parade of strength and unsuitable companionship

is sealed.

....................

http://www.krisztinaszabo.com/audiovideo.html
http://www.aria-database.com/translations/huguenots03_nobles.txt

.:

http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Up+A+Tree/1088007

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