Wtf you guys???????
Check this out. I can't tell if I've been transported to an alternate universe of the lamest kind or if I actually did finally die.
SEN. SOTTO "SO SUPER EXCITED" BY CYBERCRIME RULING.
Senator Vicente “Tito” Sotto III celebrated this morning's decision by the Supreme Court of the Philippines to uphold as constitutional most aspects of Republic Act No. 10175, or the Anti-Cybercrime Law, which has been under a temporary restraining order since its passage on September 12, 2012.
“I am vindicated,” Sotto said in his office today. In September 2012 he claimed responsibility for Section 19 of the law, which covers “the unlawful or prohibited acts of libel as defined in Article 355 of the Revised Penal Code committed through a computer system or any other similar means.”
On today’s ruling, Sotto said, “I am so super excited about it, my birdie refuses to sit down. It’s three quivering inches of cybercrime-busting virility. Really, I can’t leave my desk because I might jizz my jockey shorts. Helen will ask me tonight, ‘Daddy, why you blowing again your sipon (snot) in your underwear?’ Nakakahiya naman, ano? (How embarrassing, right?).”
The comedian-turned senator was quick to deny that the inclusion of the provision was related to his being, as he’s previously said, the “favorite neighborhood cyberbully whipping boy.” More than a year ago, Sotto came under criticism following his turno en contra speeches on the Reproductive Health Bill after he was found to have stolen from several blogs, research papers, and a speech by US Senator Robert F. Kennedy.
In an interview at the time with the Philippine Daily Inquirer, Sotto said of his critics: “The problem with them is that their minds are quite dirty. They have a propensity for making up things. Somebody comes up with a tweet, everybody believes the tweet.”
“Now the world knows I am right,” Sotto said today. “So tanginamo (so there)! I can go back to writing my book—a Tagalized version of The Bible. But I wrote it, ha? Kase (because) even God plagiarized. But this book’s completely mine, because it’s in Tagalog.”
Under the new law, the original author of online libel via tweets, comments, status updates, blog entries, memes, and other popular forms can receive penalties twice the magnitude as the same act committed through traditional media. Filipino nationals can be charged wherever they are in the world and face six to twelve years in prison as well as hefty fines.
“Ha? What does a tire have to do with anything?” Sotto replied when asked how the law affects parody or satire, which are protected under freedom of expression. “Look for my driver downstairs. Magaling siya sa tires (He’s awesome with tires).”
The senator continued: “I’m just glad attention will return to me again. As in, I’ve been totally trying. Number one, I recently said medical marijuana can’t cure diseases. Letter B, I called for the reinstatement of the death penalty. Fourthly, I proposed Ping Lacson as drug-czar, because no one knows drug dealers like him. But nobody paid attention! I’m not KSP (an attention-whore), but why have facial hair like mine if nobody looks at me? I super enjoy looking at me, so should you. At me…That stupid pork-barrel nonsense…and Vhong and Deniece… I should pimp my name, too... lechengyawa (milk of the devil)…” the senator trailed off, adjusting his pants.
(Filed with reports from netizens everywhere.)